Hi Amica.
We went to court where his attorney asked for an emergency hearing to put off the trial. He got it on the basis that FSO didnt give him enough time to get ready. Which is true. But we fought it anyway. Then when he found out he had to wait until Aug 3,4,5 I think he had second thoughts. He tried to get it changed to earlier dates but I think my lawyer saw he really wanted it so she said we had to do summer because I was in school. After that, I think he wanted to settle. Can you imagine being stuck with the FSO for the next eight months? lol. The judge put in the order that the FSO would not be allowed to postpone or otherwise keep the divorce from going through in Aug. That it was his last time.
Then his lawyer and my lawyer did a pre-trial with the judge and came up with an agreement. My lawyer is going to work out the figures but we think we agree. It isnt great for me. The judge was very sympathetic to the mental illness (and when you saw him it would be hard not to be). But it isnt great for FSO either. Basically our so-called estate is worth 766 - somethign like that. He split it in half - normally I would receive 60% of the house and maybe the rest of the assets because i was a homemaker for so long. So we each get 383 or something like that. In my share is the 168 equity from the house so I have the house and my 200,000 that I already have. The 90 I won is not in the picture at all - I just get to keep it. Then of FSO's share, 7 yrs of child support set at the amount he would be making (128000) for two kids and then two years for one kid will be put in trust for the kids. The judge said then that I would be able to draw that out at the rate of 5000 a month for three years - at this point I should be in a job. And after that I would draw it at the normal rate. I think its 2400. The total amount set aside is around 250,000.
The judge told them in his chambers (where they do the pretrial) that he found this a very hard case. That FSO was mentally ill and unlikely to recover and be able to build himself up again financially. And that the girls and I needed help getting back on our feet so I could work again. But he felt most for FSO since it appears this is permanent.
On the good side, he signed a custody agreement yesterday stating that he will have no contact or visitation with the girls. He is going to see the custody psychiatrist who is going to give him a list of things he must have accomplished and kept going before he can go to court to request another round of the examinations we already underwent. There is no way to keep him from seeing the kids permanently - meaning we cant cut him out for good - so this is pretty good. His lawyer has now asked twice for the girls to visit with his family but my lawyer told him it wasnt going to happen and to stop asking.
The bad side is I have to pay for my and my son's schooling. If FSO gets a job, he can come back and ask for the money back from the trust fund they will set up and instead request to pay at the rate he is earning. I need to clarify this with my lawyer but she said that no judge would take it away from me so that I went from 2400 a month to 600. I can request extra money from the fund to pay for braces, etc. But I need to be able to count on the money since I'm only getting to keep 200,000 of my own 401k. And he can go back and ask to see the girls.
Apparently his brother and sister accompanied him to his lawyer's but they arent helping him otherwise. He lives with some guy he found on Craig's list who needs help making ends meet. FSO was yelling at him in the hallway yesterday because he was talking to me. Then he was yelling at someone over the phone for a while. But he looks very old - they had him down as 59 and were shocked when it was 53. Hair cut short. Full grey beard. Lost a lot of weight - no stomach at all. He was dressed decent - clean jeans, button-up striped shirt. We stared at each other for a while. I didnt want him to think I was afraid of him. I was thinking how he had screwed up so badly.
BTW, his lawyer has a brother who is bipolar which is why he took him on according to my lawyer. So the lawyer told mine that he is goign to get this settled and done. My lawyer bet him that if it isnt settled (there is another pretrial in March) that he wont be here to talk some more. Since the trial goes to the judge to decide and the judge worked on them with this one, its unlikely they will get any better.
My lawyer will call his next week to see what the status is of the agreement. If he will agree and sign, we will be able to go to divorce court asap and it will be done. If he wont agree, there is another pretrial with the judge in March. And if that doesnt go through or the lawyer gets dropped, we have to wait until August.
I'm still waiting for my money to come. I called about it and the woman acted as if I was stealing it. She said I'll get it in three to six weeks which is now two to five.
So it went well because it progressed. It wasnt the greatest for me and not for him either which I guess shows it was balanced.
Eudoxia
Bells of freedom not ringing yet!
