"I'm gonna wash that man ..."

In addition to severing financial and legal ties (emotional ones having been taken care of years ago), I'm now beginning the process of removing traces and residue of him from our living environment.

There was a coming together of events that made my first choice the garage. We had a beautiful day, the kids' sports were cancelled due to soggy fields, and Mother was coming over.


Mother LOVES to organize and take on BIG projects.

Five hours after we started, the garage was organized, clean, and the FSO taint was purged from it. We had almost twenty bags of garbage and ten boxes of recycling. When Mother heads the project, everything is in its right place and put away when its done. So, once the kids and I get the garbage out this Wednesday nite, the garage is officially clean.

I cant consider the garage "done" until we put in a new door and replace/repair the driveway. The door has needed painting for the last ten years or so and becomes more rotten on a daily basis. I already have the estimate for that and am ready as soon as the divorce is final. And, the driveway will need extensive repairs or need to be torn out and replaced. It has never been maintained in the 19 years we lived here. I'd love to get the cement or the brick driveways but I have a feeling they are beyond my price range. I'll need to get estimates on that. The driveway is not very big so we'll see. Othewise its asphalt which is fine except it requires a small yearly maintenance.


I'm very excited about it as I'm tired of being ashamed of my house and the impression it gives about my kids and me.

Next step coming up

I pity his lawyer. He is actually a real estate lawyer. It was grossly unfair of the BIL to ask him to take the FSO (Former Significant Other) case when its obvious he is dealing with a nut of colossal proportions.


Tuesday my lawyer hits the courts to freeze his assets.

She will also start legal proceedings on our not getting any percentages of his disability. (I just want a percentage until the divorce goes through - I feel this is a carrot to get him to finish up the divorce. Once its done, his money is his own.)

A little over two weeks after that, she goes back to court to meet his lawyer with the judge at a status meeting. That should be interesting. It took a lot of work to get all the financial stuff together and I'm not insane. I dont know how he can do it. Plus by that date we are supposed to be at a point where we can just about go into our final agreements - but we've not spoken with his lawyer and when I saw her last she said his lawyer had not returned her phone calls. Though if he had dropped the case, she would have told me by now.

If we have to actually negotiate with him, its going to be very very interesting. The real estate lawyer has no idea of the divorce issues - he must be consulting fellow lawyer friends on this - and the demands he makes will be most interesting. I'm guessing he'll want sole custody of the kids which is so very funny, he'll want cash from the house value which would necessitate a sale of the house and which is not going to happen, and he'll want me to support him which he put in an earlier response. I cant guess on the other stuff - but I truly pity his lawyer.

I've had a good week where I spent very little, if any time, thinking about him. So I'm going to end any speculation here and get my day away from the PC started.

Brief update

I spoke to the states attorney. She said they arrested him and he posted $300 bond and left. Apparently if he is not present for a court date because he is in a mental hospital, the case is dropped. So he is back on misdemeanor for this one. And, she told me they do not like to put mentally ill people in jail. So, tho they'll be building a case to convict, they will only fine him and let him go. She said they get the same people over and over again but that's life.

Which I guess is fine with me. Slowly I am choking off his ability to infringe on our lives.

I first changed our oldest's automatic tollway payer so he could not track where he is going - mine was already on my own acct. Then I changed our cell phone numbers. My number is the only one known to his family. And I dont care so much that its known to him ultimately - I just didnt want him to see who I was calling on the records since the acct is under his name. None of them knows the number of my son. He called here one Saturday but didnt speak to my oldest who had answered the phone because he was immediately hung up on. So I changed that number and because its with Vonage its not listed anywhere. I have not given that number to his family at all and have no intention of doing so. The guy who does our insurance figured out a way to get us separate from him on our car insurance. So that was done this week. Tomorrow I'm going to the Sec of State's office to pick up a change of owner title on the old car. He had that towed away and I'm taking my name off the title. The lawyer is going to court to get him to change the home city acct to my name as well as the cable. (She's also going to freeze his assets but it might be too late for that. Its all ready to go but she is scheduled for May 1 when the judge gets back from vacation.)

This leaves the mortgage - which has been paid but I have to check regularly and will do so tomorrow - or maybe over the weekend as I have an exam this week and being aggravated doesnt help.

I dont know if he is smart enough but he might re-enter the psyche ward to avoid going to court for this one. I'll have to ask the states attorney about that.

I dont know where he is now. His goofy emails (which I think I'll post here later) say he was going to Tel Aviv this past Saturday. Dont know if that went through. Being cut off from his family has made this easier. I have no responsibility to help and none to keep others updated or be updated myself. Nor do I have to deal with a group whose manifesto is "Do nothing and maybe it will go away."

No more emails have come out - at least none that have gone to my friend or my youngests. Besides having him arrested, we are just living our lives here.

I have made many plans for when the divorce goes through. I think it will be exciting, invigorating, and cleansing when we do them.

Time marches on.

Email to a Friend

Hey Amica.

I called this morning and he is currently residing in the town jail (did you ever go on one of those third grade walking field trips? Jail tour was one of the highlights.) The woman I talked to said he was quiet and had been there all night. That he has a bond hearing this morning and I should call back around 9. She said they were doing more than a bond hearing tho - that they were going to see the States Attorney or something. The second time you are arrested for violating an Order of Protection it goes from misdemeanor to felony. So this time he is in for a felony. I hope they use all the reports and not just this one.

I dont know anyone who will post bond for him. If I were his family I'd be glad he was locked up somewhere. Anywhere. Can you post bond for yourself?

Will keep you posted. Thanks again for the heads up on the email.

J

Round 2

I rec'd an email from my friend that the FSO is sending out bizarre emails to her and a group of maybe 20 other people. I asked her to forward them to me. I read them quickly and they are truly bizarre. There are people in there from all parts of his life: his old bosses, his International Masters school chums, his current work peers, some church people, and my friend and ...

Whats this?


My two youngests' emails are part of the list!

I head out to the police and file a complaint -> 5 emails per kid for 10 violations. They are polite and kind as usual. But, he tells me they can do nothing about it unless there is actual contact. Meaning, if he should park his car across the street from the house, refuse to leave a store where we both happen to be, etc. I am disappointed - after all, now he can be free to call us on teh phone and email us with impunity - and I call my lawyer to see if this is true.

Two hours later I get a call back from my lawyer telling me this is covered and he should be arrested so I should call the States Attorney.

I immediately do and she is shocked the police are not going after him. We make an appt for Friday at 1:30. I am to bring the emails and she will get the rest of the reports I have made on him. She said the States Attorney lawyers will review them and decide if they can prosecute.

At 7:30 pm I'm sitting in the county-required class divorcing people with kids have to take when I get a buzz from the police. Its a Detective X who asks me "What do you want to see done with the complaint you filed this afternoon?" What the heck is that supposed to mean? I told him to do what the law requires which ,according to him, is arrest.


Can I stop by to sign the complaint tonite?

Damn right, I can!

I go in. He tells me he sees threats to us in the email - for example, when the FSO tells his buddies he is going to park his cars in front of our house. He could put a bomb in those cars, says the detective. I dont know how likely that is but I agree. And he sees a threat to Bush in there. So he is going to contact the Secret Service. I aquiese.

I sign and he tells me they will send the police from the suburb where he is currently staying to arrest him tonite. Otherwise, if they cant find him, they will put out a warrant for his arrest.

And he's off!!!!!!

My lawyer went to the default hearing where his lawyer, for the present, actually appeared. I do not know what the new status hearing date is nor did I hear anything about what actually happened at the hearing. I hope to hear some time.

Things we learned...
1. He is getting disability tho we are getting nothing.
2. He is planning to exercise some stock options so my lawyer is going to freeze his assets.
3. He is off his meds and back in manic state.

#1 and #2 we heard from the lawyer.

#3 we deduced when he sent my lawyer a fax saying he needs his suit because Friday morning he is going to hold a press conference at a yet-to-be-name location in our home town to announce that he is going to run for "high political office."


In other words, as his lawyer told my lawyer, he is going to run for Senator Obama's senate seat.

He wants the children there when he announces, and, if they arent, he is going to send "the press" to my lawyer's office to find out why.

I called his old psych doc to let him know what was going on. But he informed me that he is not being consulted by the FSO (Former Significant Other). He was kind enough to call back tho. After listening to the story, he indicated this was upsetting and told me that he must have stopped taking his meds and that whoever is taking care of him should hopefully know what is going on. Since no one in his family is talking to me, I have no idea who is taking care of him, if he is living with his sister, etc etc. I did call his former in-house psych doc and left a message in case he knows who the FSO is seeing so that person can be told. Then I SMS'd my BIL to let him know what was going on but that this was as far as I go in helping.

What a relief to be outside the picture! This must be what he called about on Saturday. I wish I were here at the time and had answered. Tho I doubt I would have. I would have panic'd just like oldest did.


Friday could be interesting!

Another day and no dollars

Tomorrow is the default hearing.

I had not heard from my lawyer this week at all. I hope "No news is good news."

He did call here from his cell phone on Saturday. My oldest panic'd after he realized whose number showed up on caller id as he answered it. Until he hit the "talk" button, it was showing "Incoming Call" but then switched to the number. My oldest then hung up so didnt know what was going on on the other end.

I sent email to my lawyer so we know what to do next time he calls here - answer: just answer it and then report him as violating the order. I plan to go to the police with this call to see what they say to do.

I also asked her what would happen with the default request if he showed up with a lawyer. She only responded that if FSO (Former Significant Other) showed up without a lawyer to answer this, he'd have to explain to the judge why he needs more time then he's already had to respond. I thought at first this meant he could just say he was in a mental institute for a while but now I think he would have to explain why he's been out for two weeks or so without getting a lawyer, why he couldnt use the ones he already had and why he didnt respond in the beginning. She didnt say anything about what happens if he does show up with a lawyer. My guess is she couldnt get in touch with the lawyer he claimed to have or the lawyer didnt get in touch with her or ???

She also wanted to know if I had rec'd any money from his employer. Answer: none

Who knows? I'm not going to waste too much energy on it. I barely thought of it at all over the past ten days. Why start now?

Here we go again...

He's back!

I heard from my lawyer via email that he contacted her. He said he has a lawyer for the default hearing. He says he is missing things like his camera (what camera?), his insurance card (?), his manuals, etc. I have no idea what he is talking about. Being insane, its hard to give any credibility to him. Also he told her how he wants to sell his current car (wrecked as it is by him) and use the very old car we currently have sitting in the driveway. Like we give a rat's ass about what he drives. Also he told her he does not want us ebaying any of his stuff. Like what?

So its all the same old, same old. I think this time he'll stick with his lawyer - at least, I think his being on meds would give him that much. I think he is still as goofy as ever except, of course, he is not threatening to cut anyone's f'n head off.

My take on it is the dogs bark but the caravan moves on. I havent been unfair so having a lawyer is not going to make much difference. The two youngest are out of his reach pretty much. And I dont see where he could do much that would bother any of us.

My lawyer told me on Monday she would contact his lawyer that day and get back to me when she had any information. I'm glad she has to handle all of this. It makes it very easy for me and my kids. With an Order of Protection I actually really dont have to meet with him in person and thats the best thing for me.

The only thing I regret is this will slow things down. However, being mental cruelty as the cause, whenever we agree on the assets, we can have the divorce. So it will depend, I guess, on how those negotiations go. Since I am fair, going to trial to protect myself from his wrath is fine with me.


My virtue and my honesty are my shields in this.

You've got mail!

I hate getting mail from my lawyer. I dont mind the bills but I hate the possibility it will be something aggravating relating to the ex-SO.

This Saturday I rec'd a copy of a letter she had mailed to him. It was a court document stating she was going to court on April 10th to have him declared in default of the suit, having not responded. The court document also states he is welcome to attend that hearing.

Its only 10 days away and I dont want to play the lets guess what the ex-SO is going to do for the next ten days. I DO hope I do not have to go. So I'm not going to think about it. I caught myself today thinking about what was going to happen two years from now when the Order of Protection was lifted. Will he fight me for the girls? What will he do if they just dont want to be with him? etc etc etc. It was absolutely ridiculous.


Why do I waste my time in that way?