The Latest

to go. So we are almost there. Unfortunately the court date is during school. I plan to go to my first class, perhaps my second and head out from school directly to court.

I met with my lawyer Friday. We hammered out a settlement. The lawyer who was thinking of representing the FSO has not contacted my lawyer at all. She expected him to contact her and thinks this might be a sign that he is not going to be represented. If he is represented, she thinks they might ask for an extension on the trial date. But she feels the judge can go either way on that.

He is such a jerk. She said when she saw him on the 3rd he asked how the kids were. She told him she has never seen them - actually, she has met them a couple of times in her office. She said then he asked specifically about our youngest. His "darling" as he put it. She said it was sickening since she knows he is a complete narcissist - I guess our youngest fills some need. If I put him and my second child in a room alone, only one would come back out and that would be my second. She is one tough kid and he knows she has his number. The oldest cant be bothered either.

Meanwhile, back to the settlement. My lawyer was not sure whether to send him a settlement or not. By the end of our meeting, she was leaning towards sending it directly to him since a lawyer has not indicated he'll be representing the FSO.

We'll see how it goes. There are risks going to trial but we have strategies to use. She is a great lawyer and my spirits have been watching over me so I'm sure it will be fine.

I will be happy to have it over. In fact, everyone will be happy to have it over.

Still two more weeks for my 90 to clear. I'm only hanging on by my fingernails. And now my tv as well as my micro are broken.

Three developments

First...

Dopey is back with yet another lawyer. I think its a lawyer he had earlier. The lawyer contacted mine and asked for a settlement. I doubt the FSO is going to go for any settlement we give so we'll probably be going to trial on the 18th. Which is fine - only 31 days to go.

Second...
We rec'd a Target gift card in the mail anonymously. At first I thought it was from his folks but now I realize its probably from him given that he was in the suburb from which it was mailed last week. I've an email in to Target to ask them to help me identify the store and who bought it if it were paid by credit card.

Third...
Finally the Qualified Order was okay'd and we should have the money available in thirty days.


to go!

Happy Anniversary! Part 1

Part 1: Today is one year since I gave him the boot and he left our humble abode.

Looking back, I see:

1. My kids are doing phenomenally in school including my son at college. I am so proud of all of them.

2. I did very well in my one class. I could have done better but I always feel that way.

3. My girls are peaceful and happy. My son has parties here for his friends, has his friends over to hang out, and brings his girl home all the time.


4. My mom is much less stressed and seems very happy spending time with us at home.

5. I greatly enjoy spending time with my mom and my family. Its so much less stressful - even compared to when he wasnt so severely ill.

6. My middle girl is like a different person. I think she was consumed by her dislike for him - even when he wasnt so very ill - and it made her mean and bitter. Now her laughter rings through the house, she has friends at school, and she is part of the happy circle of our family.

I had a dream ...

Well, I did!

Yesterday, on the way home, I caught myself looking for him which is something I had stopped doing a long time ago. I thought I saw him twice but both times it wasnt so.

Now, I know he has no transportation out here. Which I think was one reason I stopped looking for him. Plus he has no reason to bother us as I think he is tired of being in jail.

Last night I had a dream. And, I know! Dreams related to other people are boring. But this one is like the Readers Digest dream. I saw a white sign - like a wooden sign you'd see on a post stuck in the ground. When I first "saw" the sign I knew it related to him. But the letters werent arranged so I could read them. And then they changed to say "Careful. He is coming." And I knew, in my dream, they related to him.

So, yes, there are indeed many reasons for me to start looking for him. Its been a while - around two weeks since I heard about him - and I know he probably thinks we will come up with a settlement offer asap which means he is going to start bothering my attorney - and Christmas is coming (not that he ever had anything to do with it beyond opening his own gifts and fighting me so hard on wrapping the gifts before Xmas morning that I would ahve to do them all myself or get help from my mom and the kids) And I would dream it because I'm concerned.

But that said, I'm going to keep my eyes open. Even if these were subconscious self-generated warnings, that doesnt mean they arent valid warnings.

BTW,

TO GO!

42 Left To Do!

days left!!!

No I'm not going to continue rhyming it!

Yesterday I met with my attorney for an hour.


Once again, she told me how my FSO thought he was like Job.
The judge told him, based on how he looked in his suit, that he hardly thought he would have been a man to have been in and out of jail so many times. He ought to look good! It was an $800 suit I tried to return back in February or March but couldnt because he had it altered. Ugh! And, it occurs to me now the judge must have been told he was going to be picked up since it was in the courtroom. He was very quiet and every time a part of the agreement from that day was confirmed with him, FSO said that he had no money and therefore had no choice but to agree.



Then we worked on the meat of our meeting - getting a settlement together.

Number one on the agenda was a strong, nothing left to interpretation custody agreeement that he is to have absolutely no contact with the children under any circumstances. The doc is still going to pull his medical records and come up with a conclusion but this is the agreement my lawyer will put in.

Number two was money, money, money. I have to give her some information on that so she can write up the specifics.


We are to meet after the holidays. I like the idea of being free from having to deal with any of this for the next few weeks.

In the meantime she is chasing down my $90,000. I am getting desperate!

JOB vs. Ebenezer

My FSO has been comparing himself to Job.

But I would put forth the arguement that he is more the old Ebenezer Scrooge.

Job was a father and husband. He lost everything. In these things, FSO can claim to be a Job.

But....

FSO did not have his children, wife, livelihood, home removed by a testing god. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, he moved through life with a chance at all good things. If you have read The Christmas Carol, it doesnt show Alice (his old girlfriend) helping destitute ladies as it does in the movie. Instead, Scrooge gets to see that she has married and has children and what a happy family life she has. And he sees how this could have been his too. Scrooge made choices in his life that were solely made based on greed. There was no greater good besides himself.

So I postulate this theory. That just like Scrooge, FSO could have moved through our life as a beloved father and husband, valued brother and son, and important co-worker instead of shunned and ostracized by all. But at every point where he could have made decisions that would have made sacrifices for a greater love - a love more than himself - he chose himself. And sacrificing for others - especially doing so gladly - is something that takes practice. The longer he didnt do it, the harder it was to see there was something other than himself in life. This was true of Scrooge - except Scrooge isolated himself and focussed on his business. The FSO wasnt greedy for gold. His needs and wants came at the expense of all else. He kept connections nourished only to the point that they fed his narcissism. We left no stone unturned in trying to bring him into our family circle. Time and again he refused. Now he is unmoored, floating around in his mental world.

He identifies with Job in that he has lost everything - and he has indeed lost everything. But this "everything" is full of things he had no value for in the past and I seriously doubt he values them now. I believe he is mourning the loss of his hearth and home and family because of the associated comforts and feeling of control he has lost. Having no discernible relationship with us, he certainly is not missing anything there.


And so there is no conclusion to make except FSO is more Ebenezer before his saving than Job. Unlike Ebeneezer Scrooge, however, there is no way for him to be a new man.

Today

This morning my girls and I took a few minutes to thank whoever is watching out for us for what they've accomplished so far and to ask them to keep it up for today. Our hope was to have his request for the 90,000 review be thrown out and to keep him from getting the car.

Well he showed up all suited and booted for court. When the case was rescheduled for 30 minutes later, he asked to speak to my lawyer on their own. She said he was quiet and calm. (Just as my minister described him before the ballistic phone call.)

He said he was a "broken" man and just wanted this over and wanted to know what could end it. My lawyer said one thing was he was not to have any contact whatsoever with the kids. Which he agreed to. She got him to sign the papers - the alternative was she was going in that morning to get an order - to open up his medical records. He said he didnt know about the registration being revoked for the Matrix and was going to work it before asking for the car. And he agreed, on her suggestion, to not fight the 90,000 until the settlement. He asked her to come up with a settlement. I will meet with her on Thursday. I doubt he'll agree to anything except if he is so desparate for cash that the sooner this is over, the better.

As my lawyer was making copies of the orders, two bailiffs came and arrested him for missing his court date two weeks ago. She said he was totally suprised by it. He told them he had court tomorrow. They reminded him he had it last week as well.

He was in until around 6:00 pm tonite. Then he bonded out according to Vinelink.

Car Info Request

Friday I rec'd an email asking specifics on the car from my lawyer who is apparently girding her loins for battle on Monday.


MY LAWYER -

READERS DIGEST VERSION

1. FSO had possession of the MATRIX when he left. I am on the title of the MATRIX. The CAMRY remained with me until April.

2. He has been in many accidents with the Matrix - at least two of which rendered it unusable and requiring extensive repairs. One involved hitting two other cars and a pole. Driving into a ditch. Driving into a stop sign. Another driving off the road into a field in HIS PREVIOUS NEW HOME STATE. No one seems to know the details of the last one but it ended up two tires are flat, a third tire missing entirely, the windshield shattered and the back part of the car separated from the main body.

3. I have had to pay for storage and towing for the MATRIX two times. This takes up my money AND my precious time.

4. He took possession of the CAMRY after one of his Matrix accidents by having the CAMRY towed from the house for repairs in April. He simply had a tow truck show up - no arrangements, nothing. I am on the title of the CAMRY.

5. He was in a hit-and-run accident on June 12th with the CAMRY in A TOWN NEAR US. You have the paper for that.

6. I have NO idea what happened to the CAMRY after it was towed away by the cops. I never heard about it again.

7. I have been paying for the MATRIX car payments since April.

8. The State of MY HOME STATE has suspended registration for the MATRIX and he requires a court order from the County (assuming he actually had coverage then) to get it back. Otherwise, he cannot register the car until Feb 2008.

9. I was told he was going to be dropped from our insurance so my guess is he does not have insurance paid for at this point in time. I seriously doubt that he has a valid drivers license either.

10. He was also in an accident with a Mercedes he purchased on one of his sprees and then returned it to the dealer. His lawyer told us this.

11. On Monday it will be only 46 days until the divorce trial on January 18.

Hope this will do it.

Eudoxia