Update

The meeting on the 14th was not good.

Well, lets say it ended differently than I wanted but I think its okay. Probably even better than originally planned.

First, we learned there was a state Supreme Court ruling that said he can only be assessed child support based on his disability. This means I get a sum total of $1000 a month for both the girls. That was bad.

I have an appt with Social Security because I have two kids under 16 and I am still the spouse of someone getting SSDI. The person I spoke to also thought our oldest might be eligible for some money too. I am not sure how it all shakes out. Will they take what we get from the girls' 1000? If so, can I get child support based on the measely 1200/month he gets - boy, what a come down for that big shot. Or do they take it from his? So that may be good. At least for as long as we are bound together.

So we lost out on the idea that he would set up a trust fund for the girls. On the other hand, once I was working he could have gone to court and taken that money back. At least this way we get $1000 a month and it has nothing to do with him except that he receive it. So the 1000 will keep coming and it comes direct from the government. So that is good.

My lawyer said the judge wants to be sure we get the house. At first I didnt understand this. We already were planning on getting the house. She also said his lawyer said my family had money and they could pay the home equity. I didnt understand this as I thought they had the power to force me to cough up the equity which means I would really be hanging by my fingernails for the next few years. Which would have been bad.

But then I realized that she told me about the house because there is a law in our state about use and possession of property. And they want to make sure the kids get to have the least amount of upheaval possible. So it seems I will not have to pay the equity right away - the judge has the power to keep us in the house and delay payment of the equity. Since I've not worked and will not work for another 30 months, I have no way to refinance the house. (His lawyer told the judge they want me to refinance within 30 days. Unbelievable.) The judge can delay payment of equity for virtually any amount of time. It could be 48 months giving me a year to establish credit. Tho I dont think I'll make enough to both pay him the equity and refinance the home. Or it could be until my youngest reaches her majority. Or until I want to sell.

Its totally up to the judge. But my FSO has a recognized obligation to keep them in their normal environment.

And word from the psychiatrist was after interviewing him he was not going to change the custody. And my lawyer said they agreed to not having any contact unless he goes to court to ask it to be re-evaluated. He is truly not interested in them so my guess he might come by and force me to extend the Order of Protection but other than that he will disappear and die somewhere - like the cockroach he is. Tho his lawyer keeps bringing up FSO's regrets about his family relations. I think to make the judge think he cares for more than the money.

When this all started, I constantly pondered what had happened to him. Not that it was my fault or that I had done anything. But more from the idea of what exactly happened? He has been selfish for many years now - totally narcissist too. But who was he now? What was he responsible for? My conclusion was his mental illness had boiled him down to the very nub of what he always was. And now his new obsession is the money. My lawyer said he indicates no concern about the kids (or me - what the hell did I do?) and is driving very hard to get as much money as possible. So now I dont think about it anymore. He is who he always was only he has no inhibitions to acting the way he feels.

Supposedly now he is in a deep dark depression (so show us how bad it is and throw yourself in front of a train!) but that is just a part of the extreme bipolar cycle he exists in.

Now, I catch myself thinking about how he could treat his kids this way. But when I look back and really see how it was, how could he treat his kids any differently? Its always been about him which is why he has no relationship with them. Why would it be different now? I also muse on the unfairness to me once in a while. What did I do to deserve getting everything I gave up over the past ten years totally discounted? My career is gone. My prime earning time gone. I have no way to get a decent job at this point to support my kids. I worked hard over the past years and he is reaping the benefits of that. And the state is helping him to do so.

On the other hand, I have to know what I can control and what I cant. So there is no use shaking my fist at the sky. I have a future and have my kids. I am not living in a flophouse pondering which free church breakfast to go to that day. My family is gathered around me. We will be going through life together as meant to be.

The funny thing is once this is done that we each got what we wanted. I wanted the kids and a chance to get on my feet. Now the chance is my own making and at my own expense so no great thing there but still I have it. And he is isolated and free to ponder himself all he wants and he has money and 1200 per month to live on. Which is more than he needs.