No matter what the costs!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Done!
Well...
Its finally over.
Our agreement was 50/50 split of the assets. Because the stock market dropped so badly, I ended up owing 12,000 but I was given that to pay my son's college so didnt have to transfer assets. It was agreed no contact with the kids at all and May 2009 he can go back to court to ask to see them. Pensions are 50/50. He owes me 50% of the Miles plus. He was ordered to pay all but 100 of the credit card bill he racked up - its up to 30,000. Unfortunately, its on my credit rating so I cant get a home equity loan or college loan. Thats very bad but livable.
He was in court. Wearing a pink shirt which I had told him many times I liked him in. Walking very stiffly and slowly. He had his finger bandaged as if for stitches. His lawyer had mentioned a previous incident - whatever that is. He is slightly manic.
Interesting - his lawyer asked him if he agreed he rec'd the proper service from him. My lawyer thinks its because he is probably not going to pay.
My lawyer is charging me $1000 less for the 6500 I owe her so far and she is going to cut the August bill by 50%. That is a BIG relief and she is so very kind to me.
So now its all over except for getting all the final papers done.
Hopes for the future:
1. He drops dead soon - either by his own hand or accident or just plain nature. He is too much of a potential problem for my kids and me. Esp when he is manic.
2. I can get that bad credit rating removed or minimized.
3. I find a great guy who deserves a good woman, good kids and a nice home.
Its finally over.
Our agreement was 50/50 split of the assets. Because the stock market dropped so badly, I ended up owing 12,000 but I was given that to pay my son's college so didnt have to transfer assets. It was agreed no contact with the kids at all and May 2009 he can go back to court to ask to see them. Pensions are 50/50. He owes me 50% of the Miles plus. He was ordered to pay all but 100 of the credit card bill he racked up - its up to 30,000. Unfortunately, its on my credit rating so I cant get a home equity loan or college loan. Thats very bad but livable.
He was in court. Wearing a pink shirt which I had told him many times I liked him in. Walking very stiffly and slowly. He had his finger bandaged as if for stitches. His lawyer had mentioned a previous incident - whatever that is. He is slightly manic.
Interesting - his lawyer asked him if he agreed he rec'd the proper service from him. My lawyer thinks its because he is probably not going to pay.
My lawyer is charging me $1000 less for the 6500 I owe her so far and she is going to cut the August bill by 50%. That is a BIG relief and she is so very kind to me.
So now its all over except for getting all the final papers done.
Hopes for the future:
1. He drops dead soon - either by his own hand or accident or just plain nature. He is too much of a potential problem for my kids and me. Esp when he is manic.
2. I can get that bad credit rating removed or minimized.
3. I find a great guy who deserves a good woman, good kids and a nice home.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Time ticking away
I had heard from the States Attorney rep that he was still in the hospital for his criminal court hearing on July 16th and has been rescheduled for Aug 16th.
And, with the trial date looming, we have finally heard from his lawyer. There was great moaning and gnashing of teeth because he doesn't want to pay any college for his son.
(*Remember, his son COULD have stopped this divorce.*)
Not even his share. And he wanted 15,000 for our non-existent very valuable household goods. Also he thinks his car is not worth as much as mine no matter what the Blue Book value is. He also wanted to change the custody doc's requirement that he be mentally healthy and in treatment for a year before asking to see the two younger to six months. We kaboshed all of it and the two lawyers have been negotiating. They immediately capitulated on the six months. And he agreed to pay 15000 in cash towards our oldest's college (after all, it is the law in our state) and forgo a $12000 tax loss on the house going to me (post tax asset versus 401K pre tax asset) to put towards his share. He is still $12,000 short of his share tho and claimed he had no more money to spare. He asked for his books (great luck on that but more on that later) and a broken stereo we bought 13 yrs ago.
In the meantime, his lawyer reassured us that he is "doing VERY well" and has since moved from the hospital to his own apartment.
In fact, he is doing SO well that his lawyer cant stop complaining to mine about how difficult a client he is to deal with.
Which tells me he will be on his merry manic way within a few months since there is no one to give him his meds, make him go to therapy, and do all the work he hates to do like wash his clothes, shop for food, clean his house. Hopefully, tho it sounds nasty, another suicide attempt is in the offing and will prove more effective than the last one.
The repo man came and took his car finally for non payment. Its SO nice having it gone from my driveway.
Anyway, while packing his books as requested, I found the very bonds I've been asking him about for the past 15 months. And this was AFTER he agreed to pay a portion of his share for my oldest's college.
These two things have absolutely INFURIATED him - this calm and sane man - according to his lawyer. That, #1, I found the bonds AFTER he agreed to pay part of his share of the college. He claimed I had them all along and was hiding them even tho I have asked him repeatedly to produce them since I had no idea where they were from and how to get them replaced. Since it was AFTER that means he has acknowledged that he owes it and the bonds - which arent his asset anyway - are outside of his agreement. #2, he somehow thinks the repo man actually cares about where you live and stores your car in convenient locations to the defaulter. Because it was stored out of state - this is where the repo company is based - he had to pay almost $900 extra to get it back.
(Pardon me while I wipe a tear from my eye.)
And I was accused of telling the repo company that he lives in this state that is not ours. Now, first of all, he should have just paid his debt and he would not have had to deal with it at all.
Repo Man: I care
And as I pointed out the repo man does not base storage on where the defaulter lives. Second, when the bank first called me about the loan, he had told my lawyer to send all of his papers to some woman in that state because he was living there. So he really did live there as far as they were concerned. And third I had told the bank when they called to arrange repossession who his lawyer was and where he was based and the fact that FSO was in the hospital for a suicide attempt run amok.
Our trial dates begin a week from Monday. My lawyer had told me she would contact me if she heard anything from them but I have not heard anything from her since early last week. We have had to pay the doc a very large fee for his services to prepare for trial since we cant risk not having him.
Time is ticking away.
And, with the trial date looming, we have finally heard from his lawyer. There was great moaning and gnashing of teeth because he doesn't want to pay any college for his son.
(*Remember, his son COULD have stopped this divorce.*)
Not even his share. And he wanted 15,000 for our non-existent very valuable household goods. Also he thinks his car is not worth as much as mine no matter what the Blue Book value is. He also wanted to change the custody doc's requirement that he be mentally healthy and in treatment for a year before asking to see the two younger to six months. We kaboshed all of it and the two lawyers have been negotiating. They immediately capitulated on the six months. And he agreed to pay 15000 in cash towards our oldest's college (after all, it is the law in our state) and forgo a $12000 tax loss on the house going to me (post tax asset versus 401K pre tax asset) to put towards his share. He is still $12,000 short of his share tho and claimed he had no more money to spare. He asked for his books (great luck on that but more on that later) and a broken stereo we bought 13 yrs ago.
In the meantime, his lawyer reassured us that he is "doing VERY well" and has since moved from the hospital to his own apartment.
In fact, he is doing SO well that his lawyer cant stop complaining to mine about how difficult a client he is to deal with.
Which tells me he will be on his merry manic way within a few months since there is no one to give him his meds, make him go to therapy, and do all the work he hates to do like wash his clothes, shop for food, clean his house. Hopefully, tho it sounds nasty, another suicide attempt is in the offing and will prove more effective than the last one.
The repo man came and took his car finally for non payment. Its SO nice having it gone from my driveway.
Anyway, while packing his books as requested, I found the very bonds I've been asking him about for the past 15 months. And this was AFTER he agreed to pay a portion of his share for my oldest's college.
These two things have absolutely INFURIATED him - this calm and sane man - according to his lawyer. That, #1, I found the bonds AFTER he agreed to pay part of his share of the college. He claimed I had them all along and was hiding them even tho I have asked him repeatedly to produce them since I had no idea where they were from and how to get them replaced. Since it was AFTER that means he has acknowledged that he owes it and the bonds - which arent his asset anyway - are outside of his agreement. #2, he somehow thinks the repo man actually cares about where you live and stores your car in convenient locations to the defaulter. Because it was stored out of state - this is where the repo company is based - he had to pay almost $900 extra to get it back.
(Pardon me while I wipe a tear from my eye.)
And I was accused of telling the repo company that he lives in this state that is not ours. Now, first of all, he should have just paid his debt and he would not have had to deal with it at all.
Repo Man: I care
And as I pointed out the repo man does not base storage on where the defaulter lives. Second, when the bank first called me about the loan, he had told my lawyer to send all of his papers to some woman in that state because he was living there. So he really did live there as far as they were concerned. And third I had told the bank when they called to arrange repossession who his lawyer was and where he was based and the fact that FSO was in the hospital for a suicide attempt run amok.
Our trial dates begin a week from Monday. My lawyer had told me she would contact me if she heard anything from them but I have not heard anything from her since early last week. We have had to pay the doc a very large fee for his services to prepare for trial since we cant risk not having him.
Time is ticking away.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
**yawn**
So now we are one month from our trial date. Our proposal - so well put together - was totally ignored. My lawyer called his a few times only to be told that he has it but has not had the time yet to cobble together a response. Last week she sent a notice to produce his financial documents as well as the mileage plus information. She also sent a notice to produce the Former Significant Other at the trial. I am not sure what that means so sent email asking her to clarify. I have two dates with her at the end of July to prepare for trial.
I dont hold out hope for any resolution. I dont know what happens if he decides not to come. Or if his lawyer tries and gets another delay. The judge is on his side - I think he feels empathy for him - and is bending ass-over-backwards to help him.
I think it would be fair for him to cough up half of our eldest's college expenses and to pay for last trial's prep. He owes me interest on the child support - around 10,000. I want him to have to cash in his 401K and pay me in cash - otherwise its income to me. No more of this QDRO for me. And he will have to transfer some of his 401K to me to make the split 50/50.
I did attend a court hearing last week to prevent my losing my right to register my car because he got in an accident with one of our cars with me on the title with him. I heard from the officer there because of the Order of Protection there is a warrant out for his arrest in a nearby county and they had intended to take him in if he showed up for the hearing. But he has not showed up for anything - criminal court hearings, competency hearings, this hearing. I'll find out if they decide I'm not responsible for the car within 90 days.
I'm not holding out any hope that the divorce would be done this August. I am not so naive anymore. I think he'll delay again - I am already at $28,000 in legal fees - out of spite and this will just keep going on. So I'm not letting myself get excited about this maybe being done. Its the Everready bunny of divorces.
And he's an asshole.
I dont hold out hope for any resolution. I dont know what happens if he decides not to come. Or if his lawyer tries and gets another delay. The judge is on his side - I think he feels empathy for him - and is bending ass-over-backwards to help him.
I think it would be fair for him to cough up half of our eldest's college expenses and to pay for last trial's prep. He owes me interest on the child support - around 10,000. I want him to have to cash in his 401K and pay me in cash - otherwise its income to me. No more of this QDRO for me. And he will have to transfer some of his 401K to me to make the split 50/50.
I did attend a court hearing last week to prevent my losing my right to register my car because he got in an accident with one of our cars with me on the title with him. I heard from the officer there because of the Order of Protection there is a warrant out for his arrest in a nearby county and they had intended to take him in if he showed up for the hearing. But he has not showed up for anything - criminal court hearings, competency hearings, this hearing. I'll find out if they decide I'm not responsible for the car within 90 days.
I'm not holding out any hope that the divorce would be done this August. I am not so naive anymore. I think he'll delay again - I am already at $28,000 in legal fees - out of spite and this will just keep going on. So I'm not letting myself get excited about this maybe being done. Its the Everready bunny of divorces.
And he's an asshole.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
3 Months to go
actually less.
The latest on Goofy is he has been transferred to a rehab hospital and cannot walk at this time. I dont know if its permanent or not. And I dont care.
We sent the hotly pursued proposal three weeks ago. No word until this week when his attorney contacted my lawyer and told her he would share the proposal when he felt he could. Hmmmmm.
We rec'd the final report from the court-appted psychiatrist for custody. I couldnt have written it better myself! Basically, he tells us that FSO is severely depressed and appears to have a personality disorder. That he did try to kill himself and is not responding to depression treatment. Because of his personality disorder, he has no relationship with the children. And due to the danger his mental illness poses to them, he should have no contact with the children of any sort. Hooray!
In order to have contact, he must have improved psychological status for one year and he must be compliant with his treatment. Which he is compliant now because he is under 24/7 care.
My guess now is we'll have to go to trial. Tho I did hear from our States Attorney rep that they are getting a competency exam done and I do not know how the results from that affects us.
The latest on Goofy is he has been transferred to a rehab hospital and cannot walk at this time. I dont know if its permanent or not. And I dont care.
We sent the hotly pursued proposal three weeks ago. No word until this week when his attorney contacted my lawyer and told her he would share the proposal when he felt he could. Hmmmmm.
We rec'd the final report from the court-appted psychiatrist for custody. I couldnt have written it better myself! Basically, he tells us that FSO is severely depressed and appears to have a personality disorder. That he did try to kill himself and is not responding to depression treatment. Because of his personality disorder, he has no relationship with the children. And due to the danger his mental illness poses to them, he should have no contact with the children of any sort. Hooray!
In order to have contact, he must have improved psychological status for one year and he must be compliant with his treatment. Which he is compliant now because he is under 24/7 care.
My guess now is we'll have to go to trial. Tho I did hear from our States Attorney rep that they are getting a competency exam done and I do not know how the results from that affects us.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Maybe a light at the end of the tunnel?
According to our court-appointed doctor, he is doing very badly psychologically and his doctor expects him to try suicide again once he is out. I can only say, he has no purpose in life, his life is an absolute shambles, he has no gumption or will power, so he might as well go ahead and do it. And this time do it right so I dont have to worry about the safety of my kids and myself.
I feel badly when I picture our early marriage but then I remind myself that was a LONG time ago and he stopped caring about me more than a decade earlier. I think of all the opportunities he had to make a REAL marriage and be a good dad and how he so carelessly abused the ties of family and marriage that make our culture work.
His lawyer is very hot to settle it all. My lawyer thinks he is afraid something even worse will happen. So we put together a proposal and my attorney and I went over it together last week. Nothing exciting. To even assets to 50:50 each, he has to transfer around 81,000 to me. And he owes me a little over 10,000 in interest on child support (tho my attorney thought it would be twice that). The house will be ALL mine. I look forward to that in particular. And he is to put money aside for our oldest's college and anything not used will be held for the younger two. And he owes me some money for things I payed for him.
We'll see where it goes from here. He is still in the hospital.
My lawyer thinks, if they dont take too long to respond, we can be done by mid-May.
Hooray!
I feel badly when I picture our early marriage but then I remind myself that was a LONG time ago and he stopped caring about me more than a decade earlier. I think of all the opportunities he had to make a REAL marriage and be a good dad and how he so carelessly abused the ties of family and marriage that make our culture work.
His lawyer is very hot to settle it all. My lawyer thinks he is afraid something even worse will happen. So we put together a proposal and my attorney and I went over it together last week. Nothing exciting. To even assets to 50:50 each, he has to transfer around 81,000 to me. And he owes me a little over 10,000 in interest on child support (tho my attorney thought it would be twice that). The house will be ALL mine. I look forward to that in particular. And he is to put money aside for our oldest's college and anything not used will be held for the younger two. And he owes me some money for things I payed for him.
We'll see where it goes from here. He is still in the hospital.
My lawyer thinks, if they dont take too long to respond, we can be done by mid-May.
Hooray!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
W-A-I-T
Well, I said to give him back his car but looks like he got a little creative. At the end of last month, he stepped in front of a semi-truck and was smashed.
Dont despair, dear reader! He is still among the living. He broke his back and his pelvis and was in critical condition for a while. But he is back on a normal hospital room and supposedly recovering.
I dont know how he manages to survive these things. He must have something on earth still to accomplish.
I think we can safely say he will no longer be troubling us. He hasnt the gumption or discipline to recover from this accident. My son thought it might be a sobering incident that will change his attitude but we both highly doubt it. With surgery to fuse two of his vertabrae and who knows what else, he is not going to be popping up at the library anymore.
I am sorry to see him suffer but not sorry for him.
His lawyer started a big push for a settlement right after this happened. I'm not sure why. My brother thought the prognosis may not be too good so he is anxious to get in as much billing as possible. I decided to slow it down. Now that I know he wont be bothering us, I am going to focus on school and we are going to be back in touch with them come June. The trial is in August so we will have plenty of time plus we can see what will happen. If he dies, I'd like to get the assets but am afraid his prodigious debt would follow. I have a call in to my lawyer about that.
Dont despair, dear reader! He is still among the living. He broke his back and his pelvis and was in critical condition for a while. But he is back on a normal hospital room and supposedly recovering.
I dont know how he manages to survive these things. He must have something on earth still to accomplish.
I think we can safely say he will no longer be troubling us. He hasnt the gumption or discipline to recover from this accident. My son thought it might be a sobering incident that will change his attitude but we both highly doubt it. With surgery to fuse two of his vertabrae and who knows what else, he is not going to be popping up at the library anymore.
I am sorry to see him suffer but not sorry for him.
His lawyer started a big push for a settlement right after this happened. I'm not sure why. My brother thought the prognosis may not be too good so he is anxious to get in as much billing as possible. I decided to slow it down. Now that I know he wont be bothering us, I am going to focus on school and we are going to be back in touch with them come June. The trial is in August so we will have plenty of time plus we can see what will happen. If he dies, I'd like to get the assets but am afraid his prodigious debt would follow. I have a call in to my lawyer about that.
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