Thanksgiving Turkey

It wasnt your Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving.

Though my mom put in tons of work as did I once I got there. It started out with him telling me that he was going to drive to my mom's using our son's car and I was not to say a word against it. Then he picked and picked at us all the way there. While at my mom's he got aggressive and obnoxious. He demanded she give him her high school era typewriter. I dont even know why. He fought with her about doing business in Italy. He would chase me down occasionally to complain about how she corrected the kids. He moved the oldest into a separate room to tell him he has to give his uncle any money he makes replacing car parts and selling them on ebay from the car his uncle gave him. Among other things. He drove onto her front lawn because he was unable to back out of her driveway correctly. He almost hit her neighbors stone wall and only missed it because my mom ran up and stood there so he had to stop or hit her. He fought with us the first 20 min home until the girls were crying in the back seat.

Overall it sucked and I decided he has to go asap.

Calm Seas

and fooling oneself.

I finally told him last week, after another 60 min lecture on some illogical topic and another attack on the eldest, that I'm done. That I want a divorce but I would like to stick together as long as possible in order to make it easier financially.

He was somewhat surprised. His immediate reaction was that he still felt we could work it out (how? the very definition of insanity is contained by his actions. Keep doing something the same way over and over but expect a different outcome.) I told him I see no hope. Then he suggested that a separation might be helpful. I told him I want chances to meet someone else and having a separated husband in the background is not conducive to that. Then he thought we might fall in love again and remarry.

Let him have his fantasies. Why I would remarry someone who has had sex with me four times in four years, shows no physical interest in me whatsoever, has only two interests - his illnesses and his work, never does anything - I refuse to have an old age where he waits here at home with his walker and his nurse while I go out on Elderhostel trips - and does not care enough about the kids to be involved with them?
Its illogical. Thats not even counting the times when I have to listen to his lectures because he controls nothing here and has rendered himself unimportant.

Well, he seems to have subliminated it and the other day when I was mentioning a future where we were not together, he wanted to know what I was talking about. So looks like it has gone in one ear and out the other.

I will grant him that he is having a particularly tough time at work. Tough even for someone who constantly complains no matter what the situation. He is starting to look for a job - hope he gets one soon.

So nothing to do now but just sit it out. Tho I do not think I'll attend any more of his family things. I've had enough of them too.

Brace yourself!

Well, with school and kids, I have been remiss in posting.

Things have become very bad here. We couldnt even speak without sniping. My little ones had started having nightmares at nite. So I just started ignoring him. He still talks to me when I'm singing, whatever - telling me how I once made him late to his brother's for dinner because I was in the tail end of the process of buying a car, or how I ruined his career because I wouldnt move - but the nightmares have stopped.

I found "Divorce for Dummies" so now I am scheduling myself to separate in June after my oldest graduates. Its the only thing keeping me going. Bank of Mom, after witnessing what is going on here, has agreed to help me out until I get done with school in 3 years.

He is playing the Imminent Financial Disaster Game as of last night. Tho this time, I think its true. We'll see. He says by Friday or not at all. I handled it very cool.

My oldest told me he cant wait to leave for college (I dont blame him) but he feels bad for us that we are left here with HIM. However, I pointed out my plan - that none of us will be left with HIM really since I am going to separate and file for divorce in the summer. Its a great comfort to me.