Calm Seas

and fooling oneself.

I finally told him last week, after another 60 min lecture on some illogical topic and another attack on the eldest, that I'm done. That I want a divorce but I would like to stick together as long as possible in order to make it easier financially.

He was somewhat surprised. His immediate reaction was that he still felt we could work it out (how? the very definition of insanity is contained by his actions. Keep doing something the same way over and over but expect a different outcome.) I told him I see no hope. Then he suggested that a separation might be helpful. I told him I want chances to meet someone else and having a separated husband in the background is not conducive to that. Then he thought we might fall in love again and remarry.

Let him have his fantasies. Why I would remarry someone who has had sex with me four times in four years, shows no physical interest in me whatsoever, has only two interests - his illnesses and his work, never does anything - I refuse to have an old age where he waits here at home with his walker and his nurse while I go out on Elderhostel trips - and does not care enough about the kids to be involved with them?
Its illogical. Thats not even counting the times when I have to listen to his lectures because he controls nothing here and has rendered himself unimportant.

Well, he seems to have subliminated it and the other day when I was mentioning a future where we were not together, he wanted to know what I was talking about. So looks like it has gone in one ear and out the other.

I will grant him that he is having a particularly tough time at work. Tough even for someone who constantly complains no matter what the situation. He is starting to look for a job - hope he gets one soon.

So nothing to do now but just sit it out. Tho I do not think I'll attend any more of his family things. I've had enough of them too.