Roar!!!

Touch not this cat without gloves.

Well, somebody we all now know intimately has decided he doesnt have to obey the Order of Protection and now has a warrant out for his arrest when he leaves the hospital. And lets not feel sorry for him or claim mental incompetence. He is doing just fine in there - ordering airline tickets, exercising stock options, making threatening phone calls to his family (not us), and trying to communicate with us via third parties. I found out this afternoon, trotted over to the police station - our police are the BEST! - and filed a complaint which resulted in the warrant AND a removal of his phone privileges at the hospital.

I am not vindictive but I will not tolerate his violating even a letter of the Order. He is too threatening to the well being of my kids.

Today was a Big Day

A Day In Court

I talked to his brother yesterday so I knew for certain he would not be there. What a relief!


I was afraid to see him and have to deal with him in his current state.

Apparently he is very far gone in his psychosis. Enough so that he is certifiable. My BIL, my SIL, and my MIL went to see him. He had his head shaved and covered with a towel. No one really knows why. He had little tapes taped to his shirt with notes on them. He talked about having bought a house in Wisconsin and leaving for Sri Lanka the next day. He was very angry with them and ended up shouting and then stalking out. My BIL said they later learned he had threatened a woman at the hospital - after having threatened my BIL and my SIL to their aunt.

Originally, he could have signed himself out on Monday but now he needs a doctor's permission to leave. He is refusing all treatment.

Back to the big day...

Readers Digest version:

1. Order of Protection extended for two YEARS!
2. "brick" put on his check but what that will add up to is unknown - he obviously must be on disability at this point and who knows what will happen when that ends.
3. Permission to go empty his room and pick up his car. He cant have the car back until he gets a court order. This way I can return some of the stuff he bought in his manic frenzy.

He doesnt realize it but he has to respond to the divorce papers within a few days or we "write our own ticket." We (the lawyer and I) both agreed we want to be fair with him so writing our own ticket just means less trouble. Of course, contact with the kids is out of the question since we have the Order.

So things went exceedingly well.

Just Float!

It occurred to me today while I was getting dressed this morning that things in this separation and divorce seem to be consistently falling my way.

We all start to react to the stress of having him scream and yell at us and having to virtually live in our "safe room". At that point he threatens to take the kids out of the country - BINGO! Big reason to get him away from us with an Order of Protection.

I worry that he'll somehow convince them that he is normal and BINGO he gets arrested for violating the order, he violates it again while in jail by calling our son on the phone from jail, all the cops say he sounds psychotic to them and he ends up in a hospital psyche ward. He lets himself out after five days.

I worry that he'll say everything is okay that he understands not to take the kids and that the court will let him back into the house even if it keeps the order. Next thing I know he is acting bi-polar/manic in spades and BINGO a day later he gets in a car accident from driving erratically, and ends up in the psyche ward again.


Now is the point where I start worrying again but it seems to me someone is looking out for me and the kids and protecting us. Something is telling me that maybe I should just keep doing what I am doing - being honest and taking care of the kids - and the rest will take care of itself.

"This is not my beautiful home..."

So how did he get to this place in time?


Here is my brother's idea.

If you recall from earlier listings, he is quintessentially selfish and self absorbed and narcissist in the clinical sense. He contributed part of his pay check but nothing else to our family life. He reaped the benefits he wanted - comfortable home, good home-cooked food, kids around but not intruding, pretty (yes, I am pretty) and smart (yes I'm smart - I know self praise stinks but these are just basic truths) wife but never spent a minute interacting with the kids, never nourished a relationship between us, never worked on making a home by maintaining the house or working on making it nicer, cut the grass and shoveled once for each over 17 years... You get the picture. He just lived his life exactly as he wanted without any thought of others and what it means to be a family. So now he finds the rug pulled out from under him. He will no longer have the benefits. He is out. He cannot handle two parts of this (minimally two): he cant admit his role in this and he cant handle what his life has become, so he has come up with an alternate reality to live in.

I agree.

The Snake Pit

So the ex-SO is back in the snake pit as of Thursday afternoon.

I rec'd several phone calls over the day about possible credit card fraud on Wednesday. He ended up spending over $2000 in a matter of hours. Police were called for three of the stores he was in and he was evicted from each - but only after spending lots of dough. The policewoman described him as manic and not making sense but she didnt put him in the hospital. He told her all kinds of stories - I like the one about having three wives and how they were related to the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. He bought 1400 worth of clothes and 500 of luggage. Why didnt she put him away?

Thursday morning, apparently around 8:30 a.m., he ran the car into something and was taken to Mercy Hospital by the paramedics to be put in the psyche ward there. From there, he signed himself into the hospital his psychiatrist is at. He was transferred there on Thursday nite.

Friday he wanted his brother to "seal" the car and got very angry when he asked him where the car was. Then he told him he doesnt want any contact with anyone but he could call once a day and leave a msg. In the afternoon, he called our local police dept and told them that our son had stolen the car my son always drives - its his being a gift from his uncle. (He called from the hospital.) At nite he called his brother to bring one of his psyche meds as his doc would no longer let him have it. Then he told him if he doesnt bring it then to write a prescription for it and bring that.

The good thing is the BIL and I are back on normal speaking terms. I am not a bad person and neither is he and there was no reason for him to treat me like the enemy. Now at least he sees the stories being told about me were the sick psychotic meanderings of a lunatic.

Being in on Thursday means he can come out on his own on Tuesday. We (my ILs and I and my son) are waiting to see what his doc has to say next week. Our best hope is he is kept involuntarily until he exits this little world he has entered.

*I see Flickr is having trouble with serving incorrect photos. Hopefully it will be cleared up soon.

Snowed in!

Outside and in my head. I have been obsessing that my former SO will go to court next week and try to get back into the house by claiming he can live in the addition. Or that somehow he will fool the judge into thinking none of the complaints in the paper were true. I cannot let the thought go. I have now so riled myself up that my left arm and leg are numb. This happens to me for the past year when under super stress. I was having a meltdown yesterday that my mom tried to bring me out of. Her first response horrified me as it dealt with the worst case scenario - that he gets to stay in the addition. I cant even comprehend surviving or my kids surviving it from a stress point of view.

In the meantime, I'm trying to concentrate on my math. I had to drop my one class but have two remaining. I took a test yesterday - I havent the vaguest idea if I've done so poorly that I'll have to drop or if I have a chance of recovering my grade. I have another test Thursday but I think I'll do well on that. That particular subject plays to my strengths.

I did get to run yesterday at school. It must have helped but not much. I have got to pull myself together for my kids' sakes. I can see my middle one reacting intensely to everything I come up with when talking to my mom about scenarios. So now I have to talk when she is not around.

Up and Down

The last few days have been up and down.


Friday afternoon I rec'd a phone call from the police saying my FSO (former significant other) was there filing a complaint that I had taken the kids' passports from his car (it looks like a homeless person lives there and I never searched it like I should have so didnt have them), that I had taken a 55 page letter he had written to our son (he gave it to him in person a week ago), and that I had his cell phone. He also told the cops that I had moved his car from the driveway to the garage. (He had hidden his car in the garage to fool us into thinking he wasnt here which meant we had to call the cops.)The cops also mentioned he was getting snotty.
and had to be put in his place verbally. I told the cop that since he had hidden the car, I had not moved it and that he was lying about everything else too. He said he knew but had to file the report.

Then Saturday morning, just after we left the house, the cops called again. This time it was because he could not find his drivers license. Again, the cop mentioned he was snotty and had to be put in his place. And he said that FSO wanted to stop by the house but the cops told him that was an absolute no. Good! I'm sick of my kids and myself being upset. Also, he told me he had told him not to come back anymore asking to go to the house. Hooray! To make myself look cooperative in case it ever came up, I told the cop I would go all the way back home and look. I did and found it where he said it was. It was very nice of the cop to come to the house to get it. It saved us the emotional problems of having to risk dealing with him.

As soon as the cop left, I headed out to the bank to empty the account except for 1000 bucks. He has not put any money from his paycheck since the second week of January. And that was only 1/4th of what it is supposed to be. I saw him heading in the opposite direction (away from town) on the way back from the bank. This was a great relief to me as I was afraid he would be in the area and we would risk being upset by him.

I have to finish my budget - but I also have a test coming up on Monday. If I dont do well I'll drop the class - this was just too much to recover from. I dont think I will do well.


But I need that budget to put a "brick" on his check.

Rubbed Raw and feeling the effects

Yesterday, I went from lying in bed thinking how I need my mom to help me clean my room to actually making myself do stuff so that I could jump-start my brain again. I think the fact that I could make myself get up and clean my room myself and accomplish many things in terms of school, the divorce, kids' appts, and financial work during the afternoon and evening is a GREAT sign that I can and will return to normal.

I spent most of the past month in my bedroom/"safe room" locked in with two kids and a dog. And my time outside the room being harassed relentlessly or intervening to keep my kids from being harassed relentlessly. So I have to accept the fact I'm raw and have to heal. But I am feeling better this morning which is nice for a change and I am looking forward to being all caught up in school and once again cooking healthy and eating healthy because we are safe in our house once again. I couldnt cook much before - too much interference and harassment.


What would I do without my mom?

My mom came over and started cleaning the insane former SO's room. You would not believe the stuff she found in there. But more importantly, she came and ate lunch with me and we visited. I need that more than the help cleaning. I dont know why - usually I'm quite a loner. But I think that is one reason I did so well in the afternoon.

Updates and Mental Health

So much has happened since Thanksgiving. I wont even attempt to document it all. I will content myself with Readers Digest versions as time passes.

To sum it up, he has been moving, since May, to a major psychotic episode. I was able to get an Order of Protection and have sole possession of the house. He decided to ignore it and stay. Therefore, Saturday he was arrested and brought out of the house in handcuffs and to jail. From there, he was clever enough to say he needed his blood tested for diabetes - however he has never done that - but the cops had to bring him to the hospital overnight with a cop escort. From there, he went to a mental hospital where he is sitting right now. I have heard from his brother and his friend that he is pretty much the same - very aggressive, suing everyone, illogical, hair-trigger temper. For example, his friend told me yesterday that he got very angry because he wasnt allowed chips - no one can bring food in for them apparently.

In the meantime, he has wracked up a HUGE credit card bill that I now have to attempt to pay - except he used up all the ready cash.

All three of my kids are in therapy. I need to be I think (living in a state of siege over the past 3 weeks has very much affected me - I have lost all my get-up-and-go) but have no money.

I have to move on with the divorce...

Suffice it to say, at this point I have a huge to-do list and its time I tried to do it.