No matter what the costs!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
Done!
Well...
Its finally over.
Our agreement was 50/50 split of the assets. Because the stock market dropped so badly, I ended up owing 12,000 but I was given that to pay my son's college so didnt have to transfer assets. It was agreed no contact with the kids at all and May 2009 he can go back to court to ask to see them. Pensions are 50/50. He owes me 50% of the Miles plus. He was ordered to pay all but 100 of the credit card bill he racked up - its up to 30,000. Unfortunately, its on my credit rating so I cant get a home equity loan or college loan. Thats very bad but livable.
He was in court. Wearing a pink shirt which I had told him many times I liked him in. Walking very stiffly and slowly. He had his finger bandaged as if for stitches. His lawyer had mentioned a previous incident - whatever that is. He is slightly manic.
Interesting - his lawyer asked him if he agreed he rec'd the proper service from him. My lawyer thinks its because he is probably not going to pay.
My lawyer is charging me $1000 less for the 6500 I owe her so far and she is going to cut the August bill by 50%. That is a BIG relief and she is so very kind to me.
So now its all over except for getting all the final papers done.
Hopes for the future:
1. He drops dead soon - either by his own hand or accident or just plain nature. He is too much of a potential problem for my kids and me. Esp when he is manic.
2. I can get that bad credit rating removed or minimized.
3. I find a great guy who deserves a good woman, good kids and a nice home.
Its finally over.
Our agreement was 50/50 split of the assets. Because the stock market dropped so badly, I ended up owing 12,000 but I was given that to pay my son's college so didnt have to transfer assets. It was agreed no contact with the kids at all and May 2009 he can go back to court to ask to see them. Pensions are 50/50. He owes me 50% of the Miles plus. He was ordered to pay all but 100 of the credit card bill he racked up - its up to 30,000. Unfortunately, its on my credit rating so I cant get a home equity loan or college loan. Thats very bad but livable.
He was in court. Wearing a pink shirt which I had told him many times I liked him in. Walking very stiffly and slowly. He had his finger bandaged as if for stitches. His lawyer had mentioned a previous incident - whatever that is. He is slightly manic.
Interesting - his lawyer asked him if he agreed he rec'd the proper service from him. My lawyer thinks its because he is probably not going to pay.
My lawyer is charging me $1000 less for the 6500 I owe her so far and she is going to cut the August bill by 50%. That is a BIG relief and she is so very kind to me.
So now its all over except for getting all the final papers done.
Hopes for the future:
1. He drops dead soon - either by his own hand or accident or just plain nature. He is too much of a potential problem for my kids and me. Esp when he is manic.
2. I can get that bad credit rating removed or minimized.
3. I find a great guy who deserves a good woman, good kids and a nice home.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Time ticking away
I had heard from the States Attorney rep that he was still in the hospital for his criminal court hearing on July 16th and has been rescheduled for Aug 16th.
And, with the trial date looming, we have finally heard from his lawyer. There was great moaning and gnashing of teeth because he doesn't want to pay any college for his son.
(*Remember, his son COULD have stopped this divorce.*)
Not even his share. And he wanted 15,000 for our non-existent very valuable household goods. Also he thinks his car is not worth as much as mine no matter what the Blue Book value is. He also wanted to change the custody doc's requirement that he be mentally healthy and in treatment for a year before asking to see the two younger to six months. We kaboshed all of it and the two lawyers have been negotiating. They immediately capitulated on the six months. And he agreed to pay 15000 in cash towards our oldest's college (after all, it is the law in our state) and forgo a $12000 tax loss on the house going to me (post tax asset versus 401K pre tax asset) to put towards his share. He is still $12,000 short of his share tho and claimed he had no more money to spare. He asked for his books (great luck on that but more on that later) and a broken stereo we bought 13 yrs ago.
In the meantime, his lawyer reassured us that he is "doing VERY well" and has since moved from the hospital to his own apartment.
In fact, he is doing SO well that his lawyer cant stop complaining to mine about how difficult a client he is to deal with.
Which tells me he will be on his merry manic way within a few months since there is no one to give him his meds, make him go to therapy, and do all the work he hates to do like wash his clothes, shop for food, clean his house. Hopefully, tho it sounds nasty, another suicide attempt is in the offing and will prove more effective than the last one.
The repo man came and took his car finally for non payment. Its SO nice having it gone from my driveway.
Anyway, while packing his books as requested, I found the very bonds I've been asking him about for the past 15 months. And this was AFTER he agreed to pay a portion of his share for my oldest's college.
These two things have absolutely INFURIATED him - this calm and sane man - according to his lawyer. That, #1, I found the bonds AFTER he agreed to pay part of his share of the college. He claimed I had them all along and was hiding them even tho I have asked him repeatedly to produce them since I had no idea where they were from and how to get them replaced. Since it was AFTER that means he has acknowledged that he owes it and the bonds - which arent his asset anyway - are outside of his agreement. #2, he somehow thinks the repo man actually cares about where you live and stores your car in convenient locations to the defaulter. Because it was stored out of state - this is where the repo company is based - he had to pay almost $900 extra to get it back.
(Pardon me while I wipe a tear from my eye.)
And I was accused of telling the repo company that he lives in this state that is not ours. Now, first of all, he should have just paid his debt and he would not have had to deal with it at all.
Repo Man: I care
And as I pointed out the repo man does not base storage on where the defaulter lives. Second, when the bank first called me about the loan, he had told my lawyer to send all of his papers to some woman in that state because he was living there. So he really did live there as far as they were concerned. And third I had told the bank when they called to arrange repossession who his lawyer was and where he was based and the fact that FSO was in the hospital for a suicide attempt run amok.
Our trial dates begin a week from Monday. My lawyer had told me she would contact me if she heard anything from them but I have not heard anything from her since early last week. We have had to pay the doc a very large fee for his services to prepare for trial since we cant risk not having him.
Time is ticking away.
And, with the trial date looming, we have finally heard from his lawyer. There was great moaning and gnashing of teeth because he doesn't want to pay any college for his son.
(*Remember, his son COULD have stopped this divorce.*)
Not even his share. And he wanted 15,000 for our non-existent very valuable household goods. Also he thinks his car is not worth as much as mine no matter what the Blue Book value is. He also wanted to change the custody doc's requirement that he be mentally healthy and in treatment for a year before asking to see the two younger to six months. We kaboshed all of it and the two lawyers have been negotiating. They immediately capitulated on the six months. And he agreed to pay 15000 in cash towards our oldest's college (after all, it is the law in our state) and forgo a $12000 tax loss on the house going to me (post tax asset versus 401K pre tax asset) to put towards his share. He is still $12,000 short of his share tho and claimed he had no more money to spare. He asked for his books (great luck on that but more on that later) and a broken stereo we bought 13 yrs ago.
In the meantime, his lawyer reassured us that he is "doing VERY well" and has since moved from the hospital to his own apartment.
In fact, he is doing SO well that his lawyer cant stop complaining to mine about how difficult a client he is to deal with.
Which tells me he will be on his merry manic way within a few months since there is no one to give him his meds, make him go to therapy, and do all the work he hates to do like wash his clothes, shop for food, clean his house. Hopefully, tho it sounds nasty, another suicide attempt is in the offing and will prove more effective than the last one.
The repo man came and took his car finally for non payment. Its SO nice having it gone from my driveway.
Anyway, while packing his books as requested, I found the very bonds I've been asking him about for the past 15 months. And this was AFTER he agreed to pay a portion of his share for my oldest's college.
These two things have absolutely INFURIATED him - this calm and sane man - according to his lawyer. That, #1, I found the bonds AFTER he agreed to pay part of his share of the college. He claimed I had them all along and was hiding them even tho I have asked him repeatedly to produce them since I had no idea where they were from and how to get them replaced. Since it was AFTER that means he has acknowledged that he owes it and the bonds - which arent his asset anyway - are outside of his agreement. #2, he somehow thinks the repo man actually cares about where you live and stores your car in convenient locations to the defaulter. Because it was stored out of state - this is where the repo company is based - he had to pay almost $900 extra to get it back.
(Pardon me while I wipe a tear from my eye.)
And I was accused of telling the repo company that he lives in this state that is not ours. Now, first of all, he should have just paid his debt and he would not have had to deal with it at all.
Repo Man: I care
And as I pointed out the repo man does not base storage on where the defaulter lives. Second, when the bank first called me about the loan, he had told my lawyer to send all of his papers to some woman in that state because he was living there. So he really did live there as far as they were concerned. And third I had told the bank when they called to arrange repossession who his lawyer was and where he was based and the fact that FSO was in the hospital for a suicide attempt run amok.
Our trial dates begin a week from Monday. My lawyer had told me she would contact me if she heard anything from them but I have not heard anything from her since early last week. We have had to pay the doc a very large fee for his services to prepare for trial since we cant risk not having him.
Time is ticking away.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
**yawn**
So now we are one month from our trial date. Our proposal - so well put together - was totally ignored. My lawyer called his a few times only to be told that he has it but has not had the time yet to cobble together a response. Last week she sent a notice to produce his financial documents as well as the mileage plus information. She also sent a notice to produce the Former Significant Other at the trial. I am not sure what that means so sent email asking her to clarify. I have two dates with her at the end of July to prepare for trial.
I dont hold out hope for any resolution. I dont know what happens if he decides not to come. Or if his lawyer tries and gets another delay. The judge is on his side - I think he feels empathy for him - and is bending ass-over-backwards to help him.
I think it would be fair for him to cough up half of our eldest's college expenses and to pay for last trial's prep. He owes me interest on the child support - around 10,000. I want him to have to cash in his 401K and pay me in cash - otherwise its income to me. No more of this QDRO for me. And he will have to transfer some of his 401K to me to make the split 50/50.
I did attend a court hearing last week to prevent my losing my right to register my car because he got in an accident with one of our cars with me on the title with him. I heard from the officer there because of the Order of Protection there is a warrant out for his arrest in a nearby county and they had intended to take him in if he showed up for the hearing. But he has not showed up for anything - criminal court hearings, competency hearings, this hearing. I'll find out if they decide I'm not responsible for the car within 90 days.
I'm not holding out any hope that the divorce would be done this August. I am not so naive anymore. I think he'll delay again - I am already at $28,000 in legal fees - out of spite and this will just keep going on. So I'm not letting myself get excited about this maybe being done. Its the Everready bunny of divorces.
And he's an asshole.
I dont hold out hope for any resolution. I dont know what happens if he decides not to come. Or if his lawyer tries and gets another delay. The judge is on his side - I think he feels empathy for him - and is bending ass-over-backwards to help him.
I think it would be fair for him to cough up half of our eldest's college expenses and to pay for last trial's prep. He owes me interest on the child support - around 10,000. I want him to have to cash in his 401K and pay me in cash - otherwise its income to me. No more of this QDRO for me. And he will have to transfer some of his 401K to me to make the split 50/50.
I did attend a court hearing last week to prevent my losing my right to register my car because he got in an accident with one of our cars with me on the title with him. I heard from the officer there because of the Order of Protection there is a warrant out for his arrest in a nearby county and they had intended to take him in if he showed up for the hearing. But he has not showed up for anything - criminal court hearings, competency hearings, this hearing. I'll find out if they decide I'm not responsible for the car within 90 days.
I'm not holding out any hope that the divorce would be done this August. I am not so naive anymore. I think he'll delay again - I am already at $28,000 in legal fees - out of spite and this will just keep going on. So I'm not letting myself get excited about this maybe being done. Its the Everready bunny of divorces.
And he's an asshole.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
3 Months to go
actually less.
The latest on Goofy is he has been transferred to a rehab hospital and cannot walk at this time. I dont know if its permanent or not. And I dont care.
We sent the hotly pursued proposal three weeks ago. No word until this week when his attorney contacted my lawyer and told her he would share the proposal when he felt he could. Hmmmmm.
We rec'd the final report from the court-appted psychiatrist for custody. I couldnt have written it better myself! Basically, he tells us that FSO is severely depressed and appears to have a personality disorder. That he did try to kill himself and is not responding to depression treatment. Because of his personality disorder, he has no relationship with the children. And due to the danger his mental illness poses to them, he should have no contact with the children of any sort. Hooray!
In order to have contact, he must have improved psychological status for one year and he must be compliant with his treatment. Which he is compliant now because he is under 24/7 care.
My guess now is we'll have to go to trial. Tho I did hear from our States Attorney rep that they are getting a competency exam done and I do not know how the results from that affects us.
The latest on Goofy is he has been transferred to a rehab hospital and cannot walk at this time. I dont know if its permanent or not. And I dont care.
We sent the hotly pursued proposal three weeks ago. No word until this week when his attorney contacted my lawyer and told her he would share the proposal when he felt he could. Hmmmmm.
We rec'd the final report from the court-appted psychiatrist for custody. I couldnt have written it better myself! Basically, he tells us that FSO is severely depressed and appears to have a personality disorder. That he did try to kill himself and is not responding to depression treatment. Because of his personality disorder, he has no relationship with the children. And due to the danger his mental illness poses to them, he should have no contact with the children of any sort. Hooray!
In order to have contact, he must have improved psychological status for one year and he must be compliant with his treatment. Which he is compliant now because he is under 24/7 care.
My guess now is we'll have to go to trial. Tho I did hear from our States Attorney rep that they are getting a competency exam done and I do not know how the results from that affects us.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Maybe a light at the end of the tunnel?
According to our court-appointed doctor, he is doing very badly psychologically and his doctor expects him to try suicide again once he is out. I can only say, he has no purpose in life, his life is an absolute shambles, he has no gumption or will power, so he might as well go ahead and do it. And this time do it right so I dont have to worry about the safety of my kids and myself.
I feel badly when I picture our early marriage but then I remind myself that was a LONG time ago and he stopped caring about me more than a decade earlier. I think of all the opportunities he had to make a REAL marriage and be a good dad and how he so carelessly abused the ties of family and marriage that make our culture work.
His lawyer is very hot to settle it all. My lawyer thinks he is afraid something even worse will happen. So we put together a proposal and my attorney and I went over it together last week. Nothing exciting. To even assets to 50:50 each, he has to transfer around 81,000 to me. And he owes me a little over 10,000 in interest on child support (tho my attorney thought it would be twice that). The house will be ALL mine. I look forward to that in particular. And he is to put money aside for our oldest's college and anything not used will be held for the younger two. And he owes me some money for things I payed for him.
We'll see where it goes from here. He is still in the hospital.
My lawyer thinks, if they dont take too long to respond, we can be done by mid-May.
Hooray!
I feel badly when I picture our early marriage but then I remind myself that was a LONG time ago and he stopped caring about me more than a decade earlier. I think of all the opportunities he had to make a REAL marriage and be a good dad and how he so carelessly abused the ties of family and marriage that make our culture work.
His lawyer is very hot to settle it all. My lawyer thinks he is afraid something even worse will happen. So we put together a proposal and my attorney and I went over it together last week. Nothing exciting. To even assets to 50:50 each, he has to transfer around 81,000 to me. And he owes me a little over 10,000 in interest on child support (tho my attorney thought it would be twice that). The house will be ALL mine. I look forward to that in particular. And he is to put money aside for our oldest's college and anything not used will be held for the younger two. And he owes me some money for things I payed for him.
We'll see where it goes from here. He is still in the hospital.
My lawyer thinks, if they dont take too long to respond, we can be done by mid-May.
Hooray!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
W-A-I-T
Well, I said to give him back his car but looks like he got a little creative. At the end of last month, he stepped in front of a semi-truck and was smashed.
Dont despair, dear reader! He is still among the living. He broke his back and his pelvis and was in critical condition for a while. But he is back on a normal hospital room and supposedly recovering.
I dont know how he manages to survive these things. He must have something on earth still to accomplish.
I think we can safely say he will no longer be troubling us. He hasnt the gumption or discipline to recover from this accident. My son thought it might be a sobering incident that will change his attitude but we both highly doubt it. With surgery to fuse two of his vertabrae and who knows what else, he is not going to be popping up at the library anymore.
I am sorry to see him suffer but not sorry for him.
His lawyer started a big push for a settlement right after this happened. I'm not sure why. My brother thought the prognosis may not be too good so he is anxious to get in as much billing as possible. I decided to slow it down. Now that I know he wont be bothering us, I am going to focus on school and we are going to be back in touch with them come June. The trial is in August so we will have plenty of time plus we can see what will happen. If he dies, I'd like to get the assets but am afraid his prodigious debt would follow. I have a call in to my lawyer about that.
Dont despair, dear reader! He is still among the living. He broke his back and his pelvis and was in critical condition for a while. But he is back on a normal hospital room and supposedly recovering.
I dont know how he manages to survive these things. He must have something on earth still to accomplish.
I think we can safely say he will no longer be troubling us. He hasnt the gumption or discipline to recover from this accident. My son thought it might be a sobering incident that will change his attitude but we both highly doubt it. With surgery to fuse two of his vertabrae and who knows what else, he is not going to be popping up at the library anymore.
I am sorry to see him suffer but not sorry for him.
His lawyer started a big push for a settlement right after this happened. I'm not sure why. My brother thought the prognosis may not be too good so he is anxious to get in as much billing as possible. I decided to slow it down. Now that I know he wont be bothering us, I am going to focus on school and we are going to be back in touch with them come June. The trial is in August so we will have plenty of time plus we can see what will happen. If he dies, I'd like to get the assets but am afraid his prodigious debt would follow. I have a call in to my lawyer about that.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Update
The meeting on the 14th was not good.
Well, lets say it ended differently than I wanted but I think its okay. Probably even better than originally planned.
First, we learned there was a state Supreme Court ruling that said he can only be assessed child support based on his disability. This means I get a sum total of $1000 a month for both the girls. That was bad.
I have an appt with Social Security because I have two kids under 16 and I am still the spouse of someone getting SSDI. The person I spoke to also thought our oldest might be eligible for some money too. I am not sure how it all shakes out. Will they take what we get from the girls' 1000? If so, can I get child support based on the measely 1200/month he gets - boy, what a come down for that big shot. Or do they take it from his? So that may be good. At least for as long as we are bound together.
So we lost out on the idea that he would set up a trust fund for the girls. On the other hand, once I was working he could have gone to court and taken that money back. At least this way we get $1000 a month and it has nothing to do with him except that he receive it. So the 1000 will keep coming and it comes direct from the government. So that is good.
My lawyer said the judge wants to be sure we get the house. At first I didnt understand this. We already were planning on getting the house. She also said his lawyer said my family had money and they could pay the home equity. I didnt understand this as I thought they had the power to force me to cough up the equity which means I would really be hanging by my fingernails for the next few years. Which would have been bad.
But then I realized that she told me about the house because there is a law in our state about use and possession of property. And they want to make sure the kids get to have the least amount of upheaval possible. So it seems I will not have to pay the equity right away - the judge has the power to keep us in the house and delay payment of the equity. Since I've not worked and will not work for another 30 months, I have no way to refinance the house. (His lawyer told the judge they want me to refinance within 30 days. Unbelievable.) The judge can delay payment of equity for virtually any amount of time. It could be 48 months giving me a year to establish credit. Tho I dont think I'll make enough to both pay him the equity and refinance the home. Or it could be until my youngest reaches her majority. Or until I want to sell.
Its totally up to the judge. But my FSO has a recognized obligation to keep them in their normal environment.
And word from the psychiatrist was after interviewing him he was not going to change the custody. And my lawyer said they agreed to not having any contact unless he goes to court to ask it to be re-evaluated. He is truly not interested in them so my guess he might come by and force me to extend the Order of Protection but other than that he will disappear and die somewhere - like the cockroach he is. Tho his lawyer keeps bringing up FSO's regrets about his family relations. I think to make the judge think he cares for more than the money.
When this all started, I constantly pondered what had happened to him. Not that it was my fault or that I had done anything. But more from the idea of what exactly happened? He has been selfish for many years now - totally narcissist too. But who was he now? What was he responsible for? My conclusion was his mental illness had boiled him down to the very nub of what he always was. And now his new obsession is the money. My lawyer said he indicates no concern about the kids (or me - what the hell did I do?) and is driving very hard to get as much money as possible. So now I dont think about it anymore. He is who he always was only he has no inhibitions to acting the way he feels.
Supposedly now he is in a deep dark depression (so show us how bad it is and throw yourself in front of a train!) but that is just a part of the extreme bipolar cycle he exists in.
Now, I catch myself thinking about how he could treat his kids this way. But when I look back and really see how it was, how could he treat his kids any differently? Its always been about him which is why he has no relationship with them. Why would it be different now? I also muse on the unfairness to me once in a while. What did I do to deserve getting everything I gave up over the past ten years totally discounted? My career is gone. My prime earning time gone. I have no way to get a decent job at this point to support my kids. I worked hard over the past years and he is reaping the benefits of that. And the state is helping him to do so.
On the other hand, I have to know what I can control and what I cant. So there is no use shaking my fist at the sky. I have a future and have my kids. I am not living in a flophouse pondering which free church breakfast to go to that day. My family is gathered around me. We will be going through life together as meant to be.
The funny thing is once this is done that we each got what we wanted. I wanted the kids and a chance to get on my feet. Now the chance is my own making and at my own expense so no great thing there but still I have it. And he is isolated and free to ponder himself all he wants and he has money and 1200 per month to live on. Which is more than he needs.
Well, lets say it ended differently than I wanted but I think its okay. Probably even better than originally planned.
First, we learned there was a state Supreme Court ruling that said he can only be assessed child support based on his disability. This means I get a sum total of $1000 a month for both the girls. That was bad.
I have an appt with Social Security because I have two kids under 16 and I am still the spouse of someone getting SSDI. The person I spoke to also thought our oldest might be eligible for some money too. I am not sure how it all shakes out. Will they take what we get from the girls' 1000? If so, can I get child support based on the measely 1200/month he gets - boy, what a come down for that big shot. Or do they take it from his? So that may be good. At least for as long as we are bound together.
So we lost out on the idea that he would set up a trust fund for the girls. On the other hand, once I was working he could have gone to court and taken that money back. At least this way we get $1000 a month and it has nothing to do with him except that he receive it. So the 1000 will keep coming and it comes direct from the government. So that is good.
My lawyer said the judge wants to be sure we get the house. At first I didnt understand this. We already were planning on getting the house. She also said his lawyer said my family had money and they could pay the home equity. I didnt understand this as I thought they had the power to force me to cough up the equity which means I would really be hanging by my fingernails for the next few years. Which would have been bad.
But then I realized that she told me about the house because there is a law in our state about use and possession of property. And they want to make sure the kids get to have the least amount of upheaval possible. So it seems I will not have to pay the equity right away - the judge has the power to keep us in the house and delay payment of the equity. Since I've not worked and will not work for another 30 months, I have no way to refinance the house. (His lawyer told the judge they want me to refinance within 30 days. Unbelievable.) The judge can delay payment of equity for virtually any amount of time. It could be 48 months giving me a year to establish credit. Tho I dont think I'll make enough to both pay him the equity and refinance the home. Or it could be until my youngest reaches her majority. Or until I want to sell.
Its totally up to the judge. But my FSO has a recognized obligation to keep them in their normal environment.
And word from the psychiatrist was after interviewing him he was not going to change the custody. And my lawyer said they agreed to not having any contact unless he goes to court to ask it to be re-evaluated. He is truly not interested in them so my guess he might come by and force me to extend the Order of Protection but other than that he will disappear and die somewhere - like the cockroach he is. Tho his lawyer keeps bringing up FSO's regrets about his family relations. I think to make the judge think he cares for more than the money.
When this all started, I constantly pondered what had happened to him. Not that it was my fault or that I had done anything. But more from the idea of what exactly happened? He has been selfish for many years now - totally narcissist too. But who was he now? What was he responsible for? My conclusion was his mental illness had boiled him down to the very nub of what he always was. And now his new obsession is the money. My lawyer said he indicates no concern about the kids (or me - what the hell did I do?) and is driving very hard to get as much money as possible. So now I dont think about it anymore. He is who he always was only he has no inhibitions to acting the way he feels.
Supposedly now he is in a deep dark depression (so show us how bad it is and throw yourself in front of a train!) but that is just a part of the extreme bipolar cycle he exists in.
Now, I catch myself thinking about how he could treat his kids this way. But when I look back and really see how it was, how could he treat his kids any differently? Its always been about him which is why he has no relationship with them. Why would it be different now? I also muse on the unfairness to me once in a while. What did I do to deserve getting everything I gave up over the past ten years totally discounted? My career is gone. My prime earning time gone. I have no way to get a decent job at this point to support my kids. I worked hard over the past years and he is reaping the benefits of that. And the state is helping him to do so.
On the other hand, I have to know what I can control and what I cant. So there is no use shaking my fist at the sky. I have a future and have my kids. I am not living in a flophouse pondering which free church breakfast to go to that day. My family is gathered around me. We will be going through life together as meant to be.
The funny thing is once this is done that we each got what we wanted. I wanted the kids and a chance to get on my feet. Now the chance is my own making and at my own expense so no great thing there but still I have it. And he is isolated and free to ponder himself all he wants and he has money and 1200 per month to live on. Which is more than he needs.
Saturday, March 08, 2008
Onward and upward
Our lawyers had a brief meeting to see if they could hammer out some issues for the meeting on 3/14.
The biggest issue to them is they want to cut out the child support trust to something much smaller.
Has this man no sense of responsiblity to his children? And I was his wife for 23 years. A good and faithful wife that he really has no complaint of - he was the lousy spouse. Why am I being treated so shabbily?
Mother wouldnt like this very much. She'd say, he has always treated you this way. He is selfish and basically no one but himself is in the picture. He just wants to grab as much as he can for himself.
And its true.
to go!
Sunday, February 24, 2008
I was thinking ...
about the upcoming 3/4 meeting, the 3/14 pre-trial meeting and the response to the petition.
It seems to me that, as I said earlier in the blog, the 3/4 meeting and 3/14 pre-trial are just going to be wastes of my money. And, I can fully expect this to go to trial in August.
I think his lawyer can sit in a judge's chambers listening and negotiating fair settlements but he can't make FSO accept one. My lawyer and his came out of that chamber thinking the proposal was workable. Yet, its clear from his response to the petition, which was filed three weeks after the first pretrial, that FSO is not working on the same page as his lawyer.
The petition response was as ridiculous as it gets.
I know I've covered this ground before but my feelings about it are somewhat different. I realize now that it doesnt matter either way. The only thing the on-going divorce procedure is stopping me from doing is get myself up on places like Match.com so I can date again. I can do it but there are not many responses to "Currently separated" - I myself am not interested in anyone who is separated and not divorced or widowed. Other than that, our life goes on in the same way.
If it goes to August, we have a chance for the stock to recover some value and its more likely he will have another episode or not keep to the criteria to see the kids. If he settles now, I will be free and we'll know the money available, and no more legal costs. Or at least, minimal ones.
And I can stop making his car payments which cost me over 400 a month which is a lot of money. He can have his car back and you know what they say...
Three's the charm!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Various
Here's the newest:
1. My lawyer and his are going to meet on 3/4 to try and try to reduce the number of issues.
2. He responded officially (again) to the divorce on 2/5 with a pretty ludicrous set of demands: I was to pay him maintenance, I am to pay half of his bills incurred after the split-up, he is not to pay any child support, I am to pay his lawyer and court costs, and he is to have parental responsibilities and visitation.
3. He did meet with the psychologist but we have heard nothing. My lawyer sent him a letter asking for information on that meeting.
4. He asked his lawyer to ask mine if I wanted to file joint taxes with him. What a joke! I told her even if it would save me money I wouldnt - but actually it would only save him money since I get the kids and house deductions. And he has not filed his 2006 yet.
5. His lawyer says he is "pretty stable" and "doing well."
6. It is very important to him that the cause not be listed as mental cruelty.
My observations:
1. It occurred to me his lawyer really needs to get this done because there is a good chance he will not be "pretty stable" and "doing well" for long which means he can get fired and kiss any chance of payment "good-bye". Thus the rush to fix it up. (Assuming he is pretty stable and doing well.)
My predictions:
1. The March 4th meeting will be an exercise in futility for my lawyer and his as I cannot see him agreeing to anything. Remember, he filed that response three weeks after the judge already set out suggested solutions (eg. setting up a children's fund that I can draw at double the rate for the first three years.) This is the same judge who will decide the case if it goes to trial.
2. If he does agree its because he is desperate for cash or has been told by his lawyer to agree or be dropped. According to his lawyer he could not find a lawyer willing to represent him until he came back to this guy - who actually said he took him because his own brother is mentally ill in the same way. And, if he does agree, there is a huge chance he will rescind at the last minute because its never going to be what he wants.
3. He is going to force it to go to the trial date - again, unless he is desperate for cash or has a threat to be dropped by his lawyer for being unable to work with him.
He has to tread a fine line. First, he is not truly interested in the kids but wants to be a force somewhere in life. And against me of course. On the other hand, he is saying he is too mentally ill to ever work again. So he cant look too good now, can he?
to go!
1. My lawyer and his are going to meet on 3/4 to try and try to reduce the number of issues.
2. He responded officially (again) to the divorce on 2/5 with a pretty ludicrous set of demands: I was to pay him maintenance, I am to pay half of his bills incurred after the split-up, he is not to pay any child support, I am to pay his lawyer and court costs, and he is to have parental responsibilities and visitation.
3. He did meet with the psychologist but we have heard nothing. My lawyer sent him a letter asking for information on that meeting.
4. He asked his lawyer to ask mine if I wanted to file joint taxes with him. What a joke! I told her even if it would save me money I wouldnt - but actually it would only save him money since I get the kids and house deductions. And he has not filed his 2006 yet.
5. His lawyer says he is "pretty stable" and "doing well."
6. It is very important to him that the cause not be listed as mental cruelty.
My observations:
1. It occurred to me his lawyer really needs to get this done because there is a good chance he will not be "pretty stable" and "doing well" for long which means he can get fired and kiss any chance of payment "good-bye". Thus the rush to fix it up. (Assuming he is pretty stable and doing well.)
My predictions:
1. The March 4th meeting will be an exercise in futility for my lawyer and his as I cannot see him agreeing to anything. Remember, he filed that response three weeks after the judge already set out suggested solutions (eg. setting up a children's fund that I can draw at double the rate for the first three years.) This is the same judge who will decide the case if it goes to trial.
2. If he does agree its because he is desperate for cash or has been told by his lawyer to agree or be dropped. According to his lawyer he could not find a lawyer willing to represent him until he came back to this guy - who actually said he took him because his own brother is mentally ill in the same way. And, if he does agree, there is a huge chance he will rescind at the last minute because its never going to be what he wants.
3. He is going to force it to go to the trial date - again, unless he is desperate for cash or has a threat to be dropped by his lawyer for being unable to work with him.
He has to tread a fine line. First, he is not truly interested in the kids but wants to be a force somewhere in life. And against me of course. On the other hand, he is saying he is too mentally ill to ever work again. So he cant look too good now, can he?
to go!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Money and Floating
So the account for the 90,000 has finally been set up.
EXCEPT...
Its only for 75,000 due to a fall in value since it was awarded back in October.
AND
its in the form of a 401K which means I will have to pay 20% taxes on it - tho I am sure it will not end up as income to me so I should get that back. And I read that I wont have to pay the penalty.
My lawyer's financial assistant sent an unrequested by me letter to his lawyer asking for an extension on getting in the financials which I didnt ask for and dont need. And it cost me. That has really p.o.d me as my latest bill was $7000 for a trial that never took place and now I have to pay for a stupid letter. Tho I am going to point out I didnt request this so should not be billed.
And getting that stuff together - for no real reason - is such a pain. My printer is not working so I will have to bring it to a printing place - hopefully I can write it to my camera card and bring it in. I'm going to call today to find out. It will be nice to have that out of my hair.
With my debts paid off, I'll have only 4 months left of income from that money while I have six months left of time to trial. Which means I wont be getting any settlement money until next year at this time which means I hit Bank of Mom again.
Its really so unfair.
BUT...
I can get really mad about it or I can just acknowledge that its tough luck and that its out of my control
and just float.
I choose to float. Why make my kids and myself unhappy?
EXCEPT...
Its only for 75,000 due to a fall in value since it was awarded back in October.
AND
its in the form of a 401K which means I will have to pay 20% taxes on it - tho I am sure it will not end up as income to me so I should get that back. And I read that I wont have to pay the penalty.
My lawyer's financial assistant sent an unrequested by me letter to his lawyer asking for an extension on getting in the financials which I didnt ask for and dont need. And it cost me. That has really p.o.d me as my latest bill was $7000 for a trial that never took place and now I have to pay for a stupid letter. Tho I am going to point out I didnt request this so should not be billed.
And getting that stuff together - for no real reason - is such a pain. My printer is not working so I will have to bring it to a printing place - hopefully I can write it to my camera card and bring it in. I'm going to call today to find out. It will be nice to have that out of my hair.
With my debts paid off, I'll have only 4 months left of income from that money while I have six months left of time to trial. Which means I wont be getting any settlement money until next year at this time which means I hit Bank of Mom again.
Its really so unfair.
BUT...
I can get really mad about it or I can just acknowledge that its tough luck and that its out of my control
and just float.
I choose to float. Why make my kids and myself unhappy?
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Open Letter to A Friend
Hi Amica.
We went to court where his attorney asked for an emergency hearing to put off the trial. He got it on the basis that FSO didnt give him enough time to get ready. Which is true. But we fought it anyway. Then when he found out he had to wait until Aug 3,4,5 I think he had second thoughts. He tried to get it changed to earlier dates but I think my lawyer saw he really wanted it so she said we had to do summer because I was in school. After that, I think he wanted to settle. Can you imagine being stuck with the FSO for the next eight months? lol. The judge put in the order that the FSO would not be allowed to postpone or otherwise keep the divorce from going through in Aug. That it was his last time.
Then his lawyer and my lawyer did a pre-trial with the judge and came up with an agreement. My lawyer is going to work out the figures but we think we agree. It isnt great for me. The judge was very sympathetic to the mental illness (and when you saw him it would be hard not to be). But it isnt great for FSO either. Basically our so-called estate is worth 766 - somethign like that. He split it in half - normally I would receive 60% of the house and maybe the rest of the assets because i was a homemaker for so long. So we each get 383 or something like that. In my share is the 168 equity from the house so I have the house and my 200,000 that I already have. The 90 I won is not in the picture at all - I just get to keep it. Then of FSO's share, 7 yrs of child support set at the amount he would be making (128000) for two kids and then two years for one kid will be put in trust for the kids. The judge said then that I would be able to draw that out at the rate of 5000 a month for three years - at this point I should be in a job. And after that I would draw it at the normal rate. I think its 2400. The total amount set aside is around 250,000.
The judge told them in his chambers (where they do the pretrial) that he found this a very hard case. That FSO was mentally ill and unlikely to recover and be able to build himself up again financially. And that the girls and I needed help getting back on our feet so I could work again. But he felt most for FSO since it appears this is permanent.
On the good side, he signed a custody agreement yesterday stating that he will have no contact or visitation with the girls. He is going to see the custody psychiatrist who is going to give him a list of things he must have accomplished and kept going before he can go to court to request another round of the examinations we already underwent. There is no way to keep him from seeing the kids permanently - meaning we cant cut him out for good - so this is pretty good. His lawyer has now asked twice for the girls to visit with his family but my lawyer told him it wasnt going to happen and to stop asking.
The bad side is I have to pay for my and my son's schooling. If FSO gets a job, he can come back and ask for the money back from the trust fund they will set up and instead request to pay at the rate he is earning. I need to clarify this with my lawyer but she said that no judge would take it away from me so that I went from 2400 a month to 600. I can request extra money from the fund to pay for braces, etc. But I need to be able to count on the money since I'm only getting to keep 200,000 of my own 401k. And he can go back and ask to see the girls.
Apparently his brother and sister accompanied him to his lawyer's but they arent helping him otherwise. He lives with some guy he found on Craig's list who needs help making ends meet. FSO was yelling at him in the hallway yesterday because he was talking to me. Then he was yelling at someone over the phone for a while. But he looks very old - they had him down as 59 and were shocked when it was 53. Hair cut short. Full grey beard. Lost a lot of weight - no stomach at all. He was dressed decent - clean jeans, button-up striped shirt. We stared at each other for a while. I didnt want him to think I was afraid of him. I was thinking how he had screwed up so badly.
BTW, his lawyer has a brother who is bipolar which is why he took him on according to my lawyer. So the lawyer told mine that he is goign to get this settled and done. My lawyer bet him that if it isnt settled (there is another pretrial in March) that he wont be here to talk some more. Since the trial goes to the judge to decide and the judge worked on them with this one, its unlikely they will get any better.
My lawyer will call his next week to see what the status is of the agreement. If he will agree and sign, we will be able to go to divorce court asap and it will be done. If he wont agree, there is another pretrial with the judge in March. And if that doesnt go through or the lawyer gets dropped, we have to wait until August.
I'm still waiting for my money to come. I called about it and the woman acted as if I was stealing it. She said I'll get it in three to six weeks which is now two to five.
So it went well because it progressed. It wasnt the greatest for me and not for him either which I guess shows it was balanced.
Eudoxia
Bells of freedom not ringing yet!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Back on track!
to go!
We sent FSO's lawyer the settlement proposal last Friday and have not heard a peep from them. My lawyer says it is now too late for them to ask for an extension. So it looks like Friday, 1/18 is a go! She thinks FSO's lawyer can't find the FSO.
My mom was planning on joining me in court that day but unfortunately my daughters are off of school that day and I need a sitter for them.
So what will happen on Friday is anyone's guess but one thing seems certain and that is the divorce trial is to start that day.
In the meantime, I found out my 90,000 which is supposed to be cleared for me yesterday is going to take another 3 to 6 weeks to be available for me. Amazing. And most of this is for child support. Why is this allowed to take so long? Who are they protecting? Certainly not my children.
That 19,000 was a godsend - I think literally. All my lawyer can find out about it is that it was a certified check sent by FSO's former employer directly.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Mini-Jackpot
New Year's Eve - before I even ate my herring! - I rec'd a check in
the mail from my home county for over $19,000.
It was for child support and was totally unexpected.
I deposited it today and the bank said it will be available tomorrow.
Hooray!
I needed it SO badly! I plan to pay off my credit cards, pay my son's tuition from last semester, and get my tv fixed.
I'm still waiting for my 90,000. On Jan 12th (I think), the 30 days is up and I get access to it.
I sent my lawyer my take on a strategy for the divorce if it goes to trial. I do it mainly to get it off my mind - I told her and now I can let it go. She sent email back saying she has the identical strategy in mind and that Dopey's lawyer had filed an appearance. So he will be represented. The down side to this is we might have the date extended - thus I didnt continue the countdown - for the trial. She said its 50/50 that the judge will agree.
Today she is working on the settlement letter. She is sending it to me when its done and then I read it and okay it. Tomorrow then she'll send it to his lawyer.
I am so disappointed that it could be extended. I already put my grad school off by a year. That cost me a year's salary. I want to start doing the Match.com route. But cant until this is done. It will interfere with my school performance.
At what point do we stop bending over backwards to get this insane person representation? Especially since he is choosing to be insane.
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