I love Fridays. I have one class and nothing else. I can come home, have a nice lunch, watch 30 min of a movie and have a leisurely tea and dessert before starting my studying. Yesterday, I came home and to my horror his car was still in the driveway.
Well, I figured if he had died overnite I would have a great deal of difficulty keeping up with next week's classes. And if he had a massive stroke I would have to check on him in the hospital. Another inconvenience.
Instead, he was sitting at the table, working when I walked in. Minor relief on my part. He told me he had eaten a late breakfast - the smell of toast was in the air. So I proceeded to make my lunch and head into the front room to watch "Sudden Fear".
Five minutes into my sacred time, he enters the front room and sits down in a chair. He starts to talk to me AGAIN about how when you try too hard, and it dont work out, things are just not meant to work out. Because of the examples he brought up (one of which absolutely infuriated me), I knew he wasnt talking about our marriage. Which is too bad as it is my belief that if he ends it, he will not quit his job which is the only reason I'm still here. He tells me how no matter what job he works at it just doesnt work out. I reminded him I've heard this a thousand times. He tells me how everything is not working out - our marriage, his work, his relationship with the kids, and then launches into an example that infuriated me. He told me that our struggle to have kids after the first due to secondary infertility was another bust because our youngest had a stroke in utero and is a very mild hemiplegiac. Now, very mild means she plays soccer, can swim, is in the top of her class cognitively, and has to do regular therapy. In other words, no problem except therapy takes any time and none of it takes his time.
Anyway, he tried to tie this to "someone is trying to tell me something." Tho what they would be trying to tell him is beyond me since its his entire life. I told him I think the issue is not whether someone is trying to tell him something but rather since all areas of his life are in failure mode, he, himself, is a problem.
So he ignores this and tells me we couldnt afford it if he changes jobs. I, being what I am but controlling my "get involved" instincts and thinking that if this is satisfactory I might end up playing another version of "Imminent Financial Disaster", told him that he should look at the budget, figure out what we need (since its already done but not totalled for essentials, and decide how low a job he could take. It goes from there. But I refuse to get involved - tho I was considerate and shut off the tv at the beginning.
He starts to rant about how I should know that figure, how he is sure many essentials are missing from the budget, etc. I remind him I sent him the budget via email three months ago - he did try to say he has been working 18 hr days for the past month but it was THREE months ago. That we went through the budget for one month and missed one month and everythign seemed to be there. He got up and stalked off telling me that we simply cant communicate.
So then he is sitting in the family room and I am explaining to him about how the budget has all the essentials, how I know, etc. He doesnt look up from his phone. So I ask him if he is listening. He said he is ignoring me. Amazing. I have never done that.
