Dear Gram:
Today I went to court for a mental competency hearing for S.O.. It was very disturbing – traumatic and dramatic. I went after I got a phone call from the states attorney who handles these things. It’s a woman and she was very nice. She said she needed me to testify so I agreed.
We met at 8:30 this morning at the court where they do these mental hearings. She had three people to testify: the recreational therapist, the doctor, and me. The recreational therapist was there because he had threatened her. The doctor was there to talk about the nature of the illness and why S.O. is a threat to himself and others. And, I was there to describe how he used to be, how he started up in May and became worse until he was kicked out and how he threatened me. The states attorney coached us and we practiced how to say the information we had to share.
S.O.’s attorney
S.O.'s attorney came in to tell us that S.O. was planning on going overseas and never going to come back. And, that as far as he was concerned he wanted nothing from the divorce except to get it over and I could have everything. These were things he was putting out there because he thought it would result in S.O. being freed this afternoon. The states attorney quickly kaboshed that idea. As she pointed out, the issue was not what he would be doing once free, the issue was how he was an immediate threat to himself and others. Then the attorney came back and asked if I would meet for ten minutes with S.O.. My response was “Absolutely no.” (My divorce attorney said no decent lawyer would ask a person who has an Order of Protection against someone to meet that person.)
The judge arrived around 10:00 and we were told to go into a courtroom from the back. I thought there was a hearing in progress there for an old man but it ended up that old man was S.O.! I didn’t recognize him at first. He has a full grey beard and his head was shaved. He was standing up at his table when I came in and he looked very frail and very much like his dad from the back. It was very shocking and disturbing. For a few seconds, I thought I was going to cry but I managed to control myself and then was okay.
I was the first to testify. His lawyer tried to intimidate me by getting up and moving so S.O. had a full view of me and was only around six feet away. He said he couldn’t hear me. I immediately told the judge that I felt uncomfortable with no one between us. His lawyer jumps in and says I’m lying and trying to prejudice the judge. The judge got mad at him and told him off and got a police officer in there – but by that time his lawyer had sat down. So it was just a trick to make me screw up I think. But it was good to have the cop there. So I told how he used to be and how he became and how he threatened me (“I’m going to bury you and take the kids” and how I’m going to pay for some imagined problem of middle child's)
Then the recreational therapist from the hospital testified about how he threatened her – basically he told her he was going to cut her head off but it was much more colorful than I just told you. And then she told how he destroys his clothes, paints his clothes and glasses, tapes his clothes, etc. Very upsetting to hear.
Last was the doctor. He described the symptoms and why he is a threat to himself and others. He has threatened many people in the hospital and just recently went one step further by actually grabbing another patient. He told how he has no idea he is sick and is refusing all treatment. And other things he does that shows the problems he has.
Then S.O. testified. I couldn’t look at him – it was just too sad. He was rambling – I have no idea why his attorney put him up there to talk. And he was explaining the whole suicide thing – how he was just illustrating how he could do it if he wanted to but how he never really had the intention to commit suicide.
Then they both made their closing arguments. The states attorney went first and said he was obviously ill and making threats to others and acting erratically and needed to be kept safe until he would accept treatment. His attorney said that in 22 years he had never hit me or his kids and was not likely to be violent now since he has not done any harm to anyone yet. Then the states attorney got to reply. She said the problem is not the last 22 years but that he has been escalating his violence beginning in May and it went from yelling/screaming and waving his arms to threatening to sue people to threatening to hurt people to actually grabbing someone on Saturday. She reminded the lawyer that he didn’t have to have already hurt someone but had to show the potential. She felt it was well demonstrated. Then his lawyer tried to answer but the judge told him he had already had his turn and finally he shut up.
The judge looked at the exhibits, read some reports of threats that were not testified to because the witnesses weren’t there and then said its obvious he is seriously mentally ill and an immediate threat to himself and to others. His violent attitude has been increasing steadily since May 2006 and he needs to be confined until he is better. He is therefore considered mentally incompetent and is to be returned to the Hospital psychiatric ward.
Back he goes
S.O. was flabbergasted. He had every feeling that he would be freed that day apparently. He stood up and started to argue with the judge. I got out of there very fast and waited in another room until they had a cop to escort me out of the building. All the rooms are down one hallway and he was in one of them. I didn’t want him coming out or even talking to me so it was good to have the cop.
He is back at the hospital now. I will see how it is going via his social worker. She is very nice. They will have another hearing in April to see how he is progressing. The original hold is for 90 days. Then if he isn’t well it gets extended.
Meanwhile the divorce continues. I keep having to return stuff he bought and pay off the bills. My mom came up with a brilliant idea last week tho. I had forgotten about my 401K from my old job. I worked there for 13 years and its substantial. So I’m going to support myself by taking that. I can fill it back up again with my share of S.O.’s 401K. So we are now back to being comfortable and financially secure for the time being.
The nicest thing going right now is we are looking forward to the eldest’s graduation in May. He will be living away from home but he is going to college in the city so he will be close by. I had to drop two of my three classes but am enjoying my third. I’ll have to do summer school and that makes me unhappy. But, I am still attending the classes so that when I go in summer I’ll already have seen it before – this will make it easier for me.
That’s about it here. Write me when you get a chance.
Love ME
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