Wait a second here!

I'm always so in the dark when it comes to people. Today I was thinking how the ex-SO really had screwed himself. He was so selfish and self absorbed that he lost everything that is important in life. He has no home. He is not allowed any contact with his children. He has no wife. His children dislike him intensely. His oldest child told me he doesnt even think of him.

I brought this up to my son who promptly popped my bubble. He told me that this is exactly what the ex-SO wanted. He always put his family before any of us - I remember my son bringing this up at one of our "family therapy" sessions. Now he can do that with no problem. He didnt want to work. Now he doesnt have to and he actually is on the FMLA program which means he doesnt work for a year. He had no interest in me and now he doesnt have to deal with me. He had no interest in the kids and now he doesnt have to deal with the kids. He has no responsibilities - he told me many times that he would never have bought a house but would just live in an apartment so he didnt feel he had to do anything. Add in the mixture that he is infatuated with this woman we know and she seems to return his care, his mommy is taking care of him and he gets to play the narcissist to the hilt with no repercussions and you have it -> he is living the life he wanted.

My mom told me a long time ago - in fact I put it in one of the early blog entries here - that he would be happiest when he was free of us.

So my mom and my son figured it out right away. I was still applying my own values to it. I would be devastated if I lost my home and family. He wanted it. He told me a long time ago when we were married many years and already had our kids that if he could do it over again he would not get married and just stay in his home country and take care of his parents. And basically, if he returns there then he will be doing exactly that. Amazing to me that someone could be so twisted and that I could have accepted that for so long.