The Latest

to go. So we are almost there. Unfortunately the court date is during school. I plan to go to my first class, perhaps my second and head out from school directly to court.

I met with my lawyer Friday. We hammered out a settlement. The lawyer who was thinking of representing the FSO has not contacted my lawyer at all. She expected him to contact her and thinks this might be a sign that he is not going to be represented. If he is represented, she thinks they might ask for an extension on the trial date. But she feels the judge can go either way on that.

He is such a jerk. She said when she saw him on the 3rd he asked how the kids were. She told him she has never seen them - actually, she has met them a couple of times in her office. She said then he asked specifically about our youngest. His "darling" as he put it. She said it was sickening since she knows he is a complete narcissist - I guess our youngest fills some need. If I put him and my second child in a room alone, only one would come back out and that would be my second. She is one tough kid and he knows she has his number. The oldest cant be bothered either.

Meanwhile, back to the settlement. My lawyer was not sure whether to send him a settlement or not. By the end of our meeting, she was leaning towards sending it directly to him since a lawyer has not indicated he'll be representing the FSO.

We'll see how it goes. There are risks going to trial but we have strategies to use. She is a great lawyer and my spirits have been watching over me so I'm sure it will be fine.

I will be happy to have it over. In fact, everyone will be happy to have it over.

Still two more weeks for my 90 to clear. I'm only hanging on by my fingernails. And now my tv as well as my micro are broken.

Three developments

First...

Dopey is back with yet another lawyer. I think its a lawyer he had earlier. The lawyer contacted mine and asked for a settlement. I doubt the FSO is going to go for any settlement we give so we'll probably be going to trial on the 18th. Which is fine - only 31 days to go.

Second...
We rec'd a Target gift card in the mail anonymously. At first I thought it was from his folks but now I realize its probably from him given that he was in the suburb from which it was mailed last week. I've an email in to Target to ask them to help me identify the store and who bought it if it were paid by credit card.

Third...
Finally the Qualified Order was okay'd and we should have the money available in thirty days.


to go!

Happy Anniversary! Part 1

Part 1: Today is one year since I gave him the boot and he left our humble abode.

Looking back, I see:

1. My kids are doing phenomenally in school including my son at college. I am so proud of all of them.

2. I did very well in my one class. I could have done better but I always feel that way.

3. My girls are peaceful and happy. My son has parties here for his friends, has his friends over to hang out, and brings his girl home all the time.


4. My mom is much less stressed and seems very happy spending time with us at home.

5. I greatly enjoy spending time with my mom and my family. Its so much less stressful - even compared to when he wasnt so severely ill.

6. My middle girl is like a different person. I think she was consumed by her dislike for him - even when he wasnt so very ill - and it made her mean and bitter. Now her laughter rings through the house, she has friends at school, and she is part of the happy circle of our family.

I had a dream ...

Well, I did!

Yesterday, on the way home, I caught myself looking for him which is something I had stopped doing a long time ago. I thought I saw him twice but both times it wasnt so.

Now, I know he has no transportation out here. Which I think was one reason I stopped looking for him. Plus he has no reason to bother us as I think he is tired of being in jail.

Last night I had a dream. And, I know! Dreams related to other people are boring. But this one is like the Readers Digest dream. I saw a white sign - like a wooden sign you'd see on a post stuck in the ground. When I first "saw" the sign I knew it related to him. But the letters werent arranged so I could read them. And then they changed to say "Careful. He is coming." And I knew, in my dream, they related to him.

So, yes, there are indeed many reasons for me to start looking for him. Its been a while - around two weeks since I heard about him - and I know he probably thinks we will come up with a settlement offer asap which means he is going to start bothering my attorney - and Christmas is coming (not that he ever had anything to do with it beyond opening his own gifts and fighting me so hard on wrapping the gifts before Xmas morning that I would ahve to do them all myself or get help from my mom and the kids) And I would dream it because I'm concerned.

But that said, I'm going to keep my eyes open. Even if these were subconscious self-generated warnings, that doesnt mean they arent valid warnings.

BTW,

TO GO!

42 Left To Do!

days left!!!

No I'm not going to continue rhyming it!

Yesterday I met with my attorney for an hour.


Once again, she told me how my FSO thought he was like Job.
The judge told him, based on how he looked in his suit, that he hardly thought he would have been a man to have been in and out of jail so many times. He ought to look good! It was an $800 suit I tried to return back in February or March but couldnt because he had it altered. Ugh! And, it occurs to me now the judge must have been told he was going to be picked up since it was in the courtroom. He was very quiet and every time a part of the agreement from that day was confirmed with him, FSO said that he had no money and therefore had no choice but to agree.



Then we worked on the meat of our meeting - getting a settlement together.

Number one on the agenda was a strong, nothing left to interpretation custody agreeement that he is to have absolutely no contact with the children under any circumstances. The doc is still going to pull his medical records and come up with a conclusion but this is the agreement my lawyer will put in.

Number two was money, money, money. I have to give her some information on that so she can write up the specifics.


We are to meet after the holidays. I like the idea of being free from having to deal with any of this for the next few weeks.

In the meantime she is chasing down my $90,000. I am getting desperate!

JOB vs. Ebenezer

My FSO has been comparing himself to Job.

But I would put forth the arguement that he is more the old Ebenezer Scrooge.

Job was a father and husband. He lost everything. In these things, FSO can claim to be a Job.

But....

FSO did not have his children, wife, livelihood, home removed by a testing god. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, he moved through life with a chance at all good things. If you have read The Christmas Carol, it doesnt show Alice (his old girlfriend) helping destitute ladies as it does in the movie. Instead, Scrooge gets to see that she has married and has children and what a happy family life she has. And he sees how this could have been his too. Scrooge made choices in his life that were solely made based on greed. There was no greater good besides himself.

So I postulate this theory. That just like Scrooge, FSO could have moved through our life as a beloved father and husband, valued brother and son, and important co-worker instead of shunned and ostracized by all. But at every point where he could have made decisions that would have made sacrifices for a greater love - a love more than himself - he chose himself. And sacrificing for others - especially doing so gladly - is something that takes practice. The longer he didnt do it, the harder it was to see there was something other than himself in life. This was true of Scrooge - except Scrooge isolated himself and focussed on his business. The FSO wasnt greedy for gold. His needs and wants came at the expense of all else. He kept connections nourished only to the point that they fed his narcissism. We left no stone unturned in trying to bring him into our family circle. Time and again he refused. Now he is unmoored, floating around in his mental world.

He identifies with Job in that he has lost everything - and he has indeed lost everything. But this "everything" is full of things he had no value for in the past and I seriously doubt he values them now. I believe he is mourning the loss of his hearth and home and family because of the associated comforts and feeling of control he has lost. Having no discernible relationship with us, he certainly is not missing anything there.


And so there is no conclusion to make except FSO is more Ebenezer before his saving than Job. Unlike Ebeneezer Scrooge, however, there is no way for him to be a new man.

Today

This morning my girls and I took a few minutes to thank whoever is watching out for us for what they've accomplished so far and to ask them to keep it up for today. Our hope was to have his request for the 90,000 review be thrown out and to keep him from getting the car.

Well he showed up all suited and booted for court. When the case was rescheduled for 30 minutes later, he asked to speak to my lawyer on their own. She said he was quiet and calm. (Just as my minister described him before the ballistic phone call.)

He said he was a "broken" man and just wanted this over and wanted to know what could end it. My lawyer said one thing was he was not to have any contact whatsoever with the kids. Which he agreed to. She got him to sign the papers - the alternative was she was going in that morning to get an order - to open up his medical records. He said he didnt know about the registration being revoked for the Matrix and was going to work it before asking for the car. And he agreed, on her suggestion, to not fight the 90,000 until the settlement. He asked her to come up with a settlement. I will meet with her on Thursday. I doubt he'll agree to anything except if he is so desparate for cash that the sooner this is over, the better.

As my lawyer was making copies of the orders, two bailiffs came and arrested him for missing his court date two weeks ago. She said he was totally suprised by it. He told them he had court tomorrow. They reminded him he had it last week as well.

He was in until around 6:00 pm tonite. Then he bonded out according to Vinelink.

Car Info Request

Friday I rec'd an email asking specifics on the car from my lawyer who is apparently girding her loins for battle on Monday.


MY LAWYER -

READERS DIGEST VERSION

1. FSO had possession of the MATRIX when he left. I am on the title of the MATRIX. The CAMRY remained with me until April.

2. He has been in many accidents with the Matrix - at least two of which rendered it unusable and requiring extensive repairs. One involved hitting two other cars and a pole. Driving into a ditch. Driving into a stop sign. Another driving off the road into a field in HIS PREVIOUS NEW HOME STATE. No one seems to know the details of the last one but it ended up two tires are flat, a third tire missing entirely, the windshield shattered and the back part of the car separated from the main body.

3. I have had to pay for storage and towing for the MATRIX two times. This takes up my money AND my precious time.

4. He took possession of the CAMRY after one of his Matrix accidents by having the CAMRY towed from the house for repairs in April. He simply had a tow truck show up - no arrangements, nothing. I am on the title of the CAMRY.

5. He was in a hit-and-run accident on June 12th with the CAMRY in A TOWN NEAR US. You have the paper for that.

6. I have NO idea what happened to the CAMRY after it was towed away by the cops. I never heard about it again.

7. I have been paying for the MATRIX car payments since April.

8. The State of MY HOME STATE has suspended registration for the MATRIX and he requires a court order from the County (assuming he actually had coverage then) to get it back. Otherwise, he cannot register the car until Feb 2008.

9. I was told he was going to be dropped from our insurance so my guess is he does not have insurance paid for at this point in time. I seriously doubt that he has a valid drivers license either.

10. He was also in an accident with a Mercedes he purchased on one of his sprees and then returned it to the dealer. His lawyer told us this.

11. On Monday it will be only 46 days until the divorce trial on January 18.

Hope this will do it.

Eudoxia

Below the half century mark!

days left.

Monday is the court hearing. I hope it goes well. I'm not attending. I cant afford to miss my class. This stuff is too hard to teach myself and I shouldnt have to.

Still no sign of my 90,000.

I did call the States Attorney's office yesterday to see why some of my complaints havent showed up online and when they will actually go to trial. My rep called back and asked for some letters - one of those complaints the cop didnt want to make a call on but had me sign. So I dont get it. Anyway, I'm stopping by there this morning to talk to her and drop off the information.

I was picturing to myself today what it will be like to have this over. I'm pretty sure he'll never really leave us alone permanently - tho I dont see how he is going to survive in the long run either. But I can try to keep the order going and, if I cant, and he bothers us I'll have a new one put in place. Having the divorce done will open up a lot of mental energy in that I wont have to worry anymore about the car situation, the money, custody. All those will be put to rest.

So not too long to go! The Xmas season just flies by anyway.

We've got letters! (Well, email)

to go!

I rec'd an email from our minister yesterday. She said FSO had come by the church the week before - probably the same day he stopped by the lawyer. Apparently his landlord is driving him around. At that point, she realized how very sick he is. And he called her on the phone yesterday and she had to hang up on him due to the ranting. She also forwarded some emails members of the church rec'd last week.

I forward these to my lawyer and I'm going to drop off copies of them with the doctor on Monday. In these, he envisions spending regular time with the girls. Eeek!

From: FSO
Date: 11/16/07 22:15:56
To: A group of friends who must be shocked and some family who must be sad
Subject: Why I love the ones I love

These are the people I love the most, without whom I would not have survived the hell I have been thru (Mental Hospitals, Jail, Homeless shelters, sleeping on the streets of the city ).

1. My Lord and Shepard – Jesus Christ
I was born a Shiite Muslim and because a mullah (stupid idea of my mom) slapped me for questioning the rationale of muttering something to God I did not understand, I lost all interest in God and religion. Fame and $$ made me arrogant to the point that my faith in God was almost non existent. 10 months ago, God decided to take everything from me – My wife, Kids, $$ and has not let me see my love (***) for over 6 months. On top of that close friends and family have abandoned me. I have lost my job after 12.5 years. All this has happened to a man who had the world by the balls (Google me - I am in Business Week, Fast Company and half a dozen Leadership text books).
Something very strange happened 6 months ago in Jail. I had just gotten up, when I had this vision – A man walks up to me with a gun and holds it up to my head and says “ Buster – u have 3 seconds to decide ON YOUR GOD OF CHOICE before I blow your brains out”. Without hesitation I said Jesus Christ. At first I thought it was my predisposition due to my catholic school upbringing, but since this vision I have been saved by him from the jaws of death at least 6 times, I have to believe that this was more than that. Next Sunday I get baptized in a tank in a nearby black church in *** **** . That will be a public recognition of the immortal I am supposed to love the most. Note the word supposed.

2. SOME POOR WOMAN – The Woman I love with every cell in my body.
One look at the smiling face of *** took care of my depression of 34 years. I met her at the *** Red Roof Inn. She was the front desk manager. She listened to my stories for 3 hours flat and I fell madly in love with her. Ours is a platonic relationship so far, but I have always wanted SPW as my wife and mother of my children. This is all too fast for SPW who has not spent more than 8 hours with me and not seen me for 6 months. No matter whether we stay just friends or become lovers or husband and wife only time will tell and whatever happens will be the will of God. All I can say is that I will never be able to repay this woman for what she has done for my soul. Also I have never seen a woman of such integrity in days when we simply start our relationships by jumping in bed . IT’S VERY HARD FOR ME AS A MORTAL NOT TO PUT SPW 1st, but every time I do it I get slapped on my hand by JC. Perhaps that is why he has kept me away from SPW physically for so long. I strongly believe that JC had something to do with my meeting SPW. The RRI where I stayed was only within a 10 mile radius of my sister, brother and Aunt. If they had given me shelter in their homes, I would never have met her..

3. FVV – My Landlord, who took me in without references - nothing. He saw a man in deep pain and did what Christ wants us all to do – HELP THY NEIGHBOR LIKE U WANT TO HELPED YOURSELF. Bill is very spiritual and he is a TRUE CHRISTIAN even though he never goes to church. FVV is a Vietnam Vet who has fallen on hard times and again the Lord has brought us together because he wants me to focus all my energies on improving the lot of veterans and men and women in uniform. THAT WILL BE MY FOCUS AS I RUN FOR CONGRESS FROM THE 14th Congressional District of Illinois (Dennis Hastert’s vacant seat). I have no $, just ideas and lots of Passion. We will see what The American people REALLY want at the end of the day.

4. My Adopted Country – The United States .
I think our country is **really** up. I started to make a list of the top 10 problems with our country and I am already up to 70 items. How is that, that the most prosperous country like ours is so badly managed. Coincidentally I have solutions for all 70, but I have to resist the urge to tackle them all and focus on showing gratitude to our men and women in uniform.

5. Strangers/Friends ( I know I will miss someone here and that’s the danger of listing people)
a. My Brother **** in Jail. He treated me a million times better than my own brother.

b. My sisters - **** – Correction Officer at County Jail in city
- WOMAN FROM LETTER – SPW’s best friend who gave me invaluable insights into what I was doing wrong in my relationship. I miss her advice. I wish there was a way to communicate with her.
- *** – From my church . Another fine woman with a big heart.
c. My Friend in LA who works for ----. *** – Cant find his email now. He has faith me more than a mustard seed. I owe him $300.
d. My Lawyer – *** who has never passed judgment on me and helped bail me out of jail when no one else would. Lawyers are scum but NOT ***. If u want an honest man, look up ***
e. My Doctor – *** – Uses his right brain with his left one. Always had faith in me.
f. Members of the *** Church
g. Staff at the Comfort Inn in ***
h. My aunt in SRI LANKA and her daughter in *** . That’s the only family members who cared.
i. *** and *** @ *** of Mental Health – They were the only ones who told me that I did NOT belong there. They said “take your meds, fake it and get the * out” which is EXACTLY what I did. So much for my MANIA diagnosis !! I can fake anything. After all I was the best actor in my high school in 7thgrade !! These high faluting shrinks had no idea who they were dealing with.

6. My 2 Daughters – *** and *** that I have been prevented from seeing for 10 months and might not see for another year !! Their minds have been poisoned by a vindictive ex wife (I don’t know why she is so vindictive)

7. My ex-bosses
- Late ***
- *** (*’s old boss. She is a big shot at *** now)
- ***
- *** – Ran into him the other day at Fry’s
- *** (God knows where he is. God Bless his soul)
8. My *** Colleagues
- *, *, *, *, *
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
NOW THE SHIT LIST ...

The *** family that makes close to 2 million $ collectively could not find $4000 to get me out of jail. I was in jail for 4 months for my credit card being denied for $45 and the taxi driver told the police to arrest. Not once did my brother and sister drive 300 miles from *** to see me. WHY ???
They also failed to pay $300 for my bail in Illinois when my wife put me in Jail for sending email to an alias that by mistake contained my 2 daughters. My sister said – I will bail u out if u go to the mental hospital. I told the officers – Tell my sister to take a f-g hike !! *** my lawyer bailed me out

My aunt *** *** who makes 0.5 M $ as an allergist could not rally the ***family to bail me out. But what can I expect from her ? She is the one who left her mentally sick sister to be homeless in *** and deficate in an apt with neighbors screaming on. Did anyone incl myself have the heart to bring my aunt *** to the U.S to get treatment so she could spend the rest of her life in relative piece. I CERTAINLY DID NOT BECAUSE I WAS SHIT SCARED OF MY WIFE RIPPING INTO ME FOR SPENDING THE $$. I WILL ALWAYS REPENT FOR WHAT I DID NOT DO. SOMEDAY WHEN I HAVE SOME $$ I WILL BUILD THE FINEST MENTAL INSTITUTION/HOME WITH HER NAME ON IT

SOMETIMES I WISH I COULD CHANGE MY LAST NAME BECAUSE I AM SO ASHAMED OF IT. WE ARE THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY I HAVE SEEN. INSTEAD I PLAN ON SHOWING MY GIRLS THAT SOME CHINWALLAs LIKE THEIR DAD ARE STILL DECENT HUMAN BEINGS WHO CARE.

ON TOP OF THIS I HAVE AN ABUSIVE MOTHER WHO SAYS THE FOLLOWING:
1. Well u should love me more than *** because I love u the most. No, Mom u are SICK. U loved me more than your own husband that’s why u have such a f-d up marriage and now u want me to do the same ? No f-g way..
2. U have adopted Jesus instead of Allah as your god. Yes Mom I did and if u know anything about monotheistic religions u should know it does not matter..


3 folks who worked for me –
1. M – I risked my job and let her go on PAID LOA for 2 months after she had been with MOT only a week because her mother was dying of leukemia. Could not spare $300 to bail me out of Jail.
2. N – Cancelled my customer mtg in Japan , upgraded to first class out of my own pocket, so I could make the wake of his 1 yr old son in Chicago . Did he ever say * – u must be very lonely. Come to my house for Dinner one night Made a big f*g deal when he grudgingly gave me $400.

3. L – Gave me a big lecture about how he does not lend $ to anyone when I needed $300 to get out of Jail.

4. H - An ex boss who said “I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO LOAN U $500. This guy is an exec VP.

I bring this up not to tear them down, but to demonstrate that people who I thought were good at heart have replaced kindness with the all mighty $ in their hearts. Remember the line from XMAS CAROL when Scrooge’s girl friend tells him “Ours was an old promise – A Golden Idol has replaced me in your heart” I believe that the mighty $ has replaced GOD in the hearts of most Americans.

So I ask u my friends for the following. PLEASE PRAY THAT:
1. My faith in God Continues to grow stronger
2. I get to see my ** real soon, even if its just as a friend. I miss her something awful.
3. I get to do what God has set me forth to do.
4. My divorce and all these frivolous cases against me are settled FAIRLY.
5. Get to see my daughters on a regular basis. I miss them terribly…
6. Give an ANTIDOTE to this terrible loneliness

Thanks for reading so far …
I suggest reading just these 3 books that I think have the wisdom that u will ever need;

1. Holy Bible – This is the best self help book there is and its FREE !! I encourage my non Christian friends to read it because it reads like a story book and is quite non denominational.
2. The PRAYERFUL SPIRIT By Dr. James Gills M.D
3. Who moved My Cheese

--FSO

Go Directly To Jail - but not yet

I talked to the actual states attorney yesterday. I fear I am pestering my rep too much. Or maybe she is off this week.

I found that he probably turned himself in as described earlier but was able to post bond immediately. Since he came in with a family member, that is probably likely.

Then I confirmed there is a warrant out for him because he didnt bother showing up to court. His next court date in criminal court is Dec 3 - the same day as the car and 90,000 hearing. She told me I had to tell an officer there, when I saw him, that there is a warrant out for his arrest and they will take care of it. I wont be there, however, and I highly doubt my attorney will want to do it. So I'm just going to store the "Go Directly To Jail" card under the board for right now. It might come in handy later. I'm going to talk to my attorney about it. Plus since he has a Dec 3 hearing and I think he'll miss it, he wont be able to claim he was in there to go to criminal court, and another warrant will come out for him. This is a good thing I think.


to go!

Its already in the 50's!!!

60 to go!

Our divorce has gone into Slaughter Rule.

Anything he does now - even bringing in an attorney - will be movement but not action. He has already lost the game by virtue of the fact that he no longer can control anything that hurts us. So the game is over and we are just waiting for it to run out.

Take the 90,000 order...
Even if the 90,000 is stopped, 43,000 of it is child support and that cannot be reversed according to my lawyer. The judge agreed to the rest of it. The only problem I can see is that the judge will not agree that FSO should pay the penalty and interest I had to pay on the moneys I used to pay FSO's debts, and he might stop his child support/maintenance. This means I would end up with around 65,000 instead of 90,000. I didnt count on any of that and actually thought I would come out with 30,000 when we went in October.

I'm not entirely certain of course but I'm pretty sure he wont be able to see the girls until he has been in treatment for a while and is stable. Plus he would have to continue his treatment if he wanted to continue seeing them.

That leaves the division of our assets. Well, my lawyer is pretty certain we'll have his share of the house transferred to me in lieu of some child support. Any moneys he owes me will come from his half. So my educated guess is he'll have to pay me some $64,000 of his 401K plus my half of the stock options - used to be 60,000 but now my guess is they are worth around 20,000 if that. Its simple and straight forward and it will be fine to be done with it.

So he can file motions, etc. its all movement and no action. He entered the fray too late to be of much effect.


The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on!

Another Avenue Cut Off

My son's girlfriend's father did call FSO and tell him to stop contacting them. He said he was okay in the very beginning but then began going off on a rant about Hastert. He said it ended with FSO not making any sense at all.

My son went to the doctor on Sat to give his interview to help determine whether he should have any contact with the girls. Oldest son said the doc was flabbergasted - "What role did he exactly play in your family?" Oldest son explained he played no role - just basically existed in his own world, refused any attempts to bring him in long term to our family, and did whatever he pleased. He said the doc told him he is clearly psychotic. The doc observed to him that supervised visits would also be a problem as there is no way to control his rants. He has yet to call the girls' therapist. And now that we have a phone number for him (via the girlfriend's family) he is going to try and get an interview with him AND get him to sign a paper asking for his medical records. And I have to drop off a crazy letter he wrote right before he was kicked out. The doc said he'd call me this week to let me know his conclusions.

Two motions

For starters, I did extremely well on both of my tests. Hooray for me!

Good I shut the lawyer off as FSO showed up in her office on Tuesday in person.

He went to court and filed two motions on his own. He has no lawyer at this point.

First, he wants his car back. In the motion, he claims I took it illegally and am illegally impounding it.

Second, he wants the $90,000 order turned around.


My lawyer said she thinks neither will be granted.

The car is under a restriction by the State of Illinois and cannot be licensed until February. That is unless he goes to Cook County court and gets a court order turning it around. He already was given a second car - the Camry - and its gone somewhere. Actually, it was towed away after a hit and run accident he had in a suburb one over from us and its gone for good. He has many accidents and his taking the car while it is under title to both of us is a big risk to me and our financial well being. So she is pretty sure "no" on the car.

She also thought the request to stop the 90000 will also be rejected. She said its already been reviewed by this judge and given to us, and its already been filed with his company. We are just waiting for them to send the money. She thinks he'll be told to address it when he comes to the divorce trial on Jan 18th.

He didnt bother to show up for his criminal hearings on Tuesday even though he was in the courthouse at the time. I talked to our states attorney rep and she told me there is another warrant for his arrest. I left a msg for her saying he is planning to be in the courthouse on Dec 3 for his two motions. I want to find out if they will go arrest him there.

Also, I noticed the last two complaints I signed did not show up on Vinelink. I have to find out about those.

And life goes on...

Incommunicado

I told my attorney and her secretary not to call me for any reasons until Friday. I have two big exams coming up on Wed and Thurs and I do not want to lose my focus.

I did report the threat to the police. Since I couldnt argue the threat was third party and since they didnt seem interested in it as a threat, I just made the report and forwarded it to the States Attorney. Once the doc is done with the tape, they want it to keep with his records. They are going to decide whether to press charges on that or not.

My son's girlfriend's folks did try calling him at the number he gave except they said it wasnt his number. Last I heard, her dad was going to try and get the number from caller id or their phone service provider so he could call FSO and tell him no contact of any type in the future.

Only

to go!

Slow but sure!

He has a court date today in Criminal Court. In fact, I think two of his cases have come up today. They dont expect him to show but who knows? He is pretty unpredictable.

I asked about the timing of my check for 90000 coming. Its not good news. She said it will be a minimum of two weeks from last week and that they can take longer if they want to. I am to get in touch with her in another week if I dont hear anything.


Back to my wonderfully predictable world of the Calculus!

OMG!

Where to start?

First, only

to go!

That means over the weekend we'll move into the 60's. I remember when it was in the 100's. Time moves on whether you want it to or not!

Lots of things going on.

Most importantly, the order for the BUCKS was filed in court on Tuesday and sent that day to his 401K holder. I dont know how long it takes after that but I believe she told me around six weeks from when we first went in on it. Which would make it maybe a week or two to go.


As it is, I'm just hanging in there thanks to Mother!

Two more violations of the Order and a bizarre turn of events.

One was three letters sent to my son's girlfriend's parents. Now, we only know them from being my son's girlfriend and had met them at her graduation. Very nice people. I guess you would say they are more meditative on how they handle things.


tho "meditative" was not the word Mother used. lol

They rec'd these letters way back Oct 9, didnt know what to do with them, and didnt want to upset my son. So they sat on them. I found out Saturday while shopping with my daughters in our "Martha Stewarting" of our house. (For that, see my other blog!) After going back and forth with my son as to how to best handle them, I went there and picked up the letters. They are the same old sick things. Including a threat on theirs that he is going to have his "REVENGE" (upper case letters are his.) He sounds a bit obsessive about their daughter - how wonderful she is - in his letter to her and his letter to them. And he has a letter to my son giving him a list of things to do for him, and asking him to lend him all his money at 50% interest. My son has shown no interest in seeing the letter so I'm just going to file it.

I filed a complaint with the police (3rd party communication) when I heard from the cop (one that I think felt too much empathy for the FSO) that he had been in the station last week turning himself in (with a family member) for an outstanding warrant. The cop couldnt remember anything about what I asked him. "Was it late in the week?" "I dont remember" "Did he come with a man or woman?" "I dont remember." He did remember he was cordial but obviously goofy. So FSO didnt show up in Vinelink. And the States Attorney thought he was still waiting in the hospital for him. And they still dont know how he came to be out.

On Monday nite, I got a phone call from his girlfriend's parents (who will have to get a "pen" name for this blog if they continue to show up in it!) saying he had left them a creepy phone message. They taped it for me and I now have it. After I drop the kids off, I'm headed to the police to file a report of a threat. I know they wont make it a complaint - the States Attorney wants the report number and said she'll take it from there. But, really, whats the point when he is allowed to do as he pleases? In the tape he says:

"I'm going to make Eudoxia and our son look really bad. They done me bad and you do the man of the Lord bad you know what happens folks. I dont have to tell you two that."

But there is a bunch of crazy stuff in there. He's an "adopted" Christian. Jesus is his savior. Everyone could look at his life and see how great things happen when you accept Jesus in your heart. That God has a plan for him or he would have had him die already. That God had him go through all these troubles just to let him see somethign or other - never really did understand that one. Blah de blah blah.


He's running for office again! Only this time he is going for Hastert's spot instead of Obama's. LOL. Guess he had to take a step down.

He has a girlfriend Jessica. Thats the name of the girl in the crazy emails he sent too but not the name of the woman he told us to send his papers to. Dont know if its a figment of his imagination or what. She is very pure - wont even hold his hand until he is divorced. Hmmmm. Said all he needs in life is a cup of tea and Jessica.

He closes with the threat and thats thats the end of that story.

Except....

I was thinking how his connection with these people - tho imagined - is something that feeds his mental needs. That he feels important. He can vent on us. And, the scary thing, is he is obviously becoming more obsessed about their daughter. I had a feeling they are pretty much in the dark about how sick he is beyond what they heard. So I put together a packet for them - his arrest records in his new home state, his criminal court cases here, the letter I wrote for the States Attorney in his commitment hearing, his commitment order, the crazy emails and two timelines (police, threats, accidents, Order breaks and Psychiatric treatment.) I wrote up a note saying that since we immersed in the problem we dont see how much others are in the dark. And that the packet should give them a good view of whats going on with him. I also told them I did strongly believe they needed to tell him directly to stop all contact with them. They are not his friends. He does not play any role in our family. He is a non-entity. I stopped by to talk to them briefly and they did say they were planning on contacting him to tell him to stop all contact. My son's girlfriend's mom felt very worried about his frequent references to their daughter and her dad finally concurred after listening to the message he left once again. So that is VERY good news.

Then I saw the doctor for a second time. He wanted to know what I was afraid of when allowing visitation and what did I want for him to be able to visit. I am afraid of him being cunning enough to take the kids from a supervised meeting and disappear into his new home state. I am afraid for the physical safety of my kids when with him - both in a car, or in person because of his temper issues. I'm afraid they will be mentally bruised by exposure to him. My requirements were that he meet all aspects of the treatment of his illnesses for a minimum of six months as verified by the providers themselves and that he be stable. I told him that since they have no relationship with their dad that any visits would be forced and would only be for him. He said at the end that there was no court going to make the kids even have supervised visits with him. I signed off permission for the therapist to talk to him.

And I thought thats about it but yesterday I was checking their old emails - the ones he knows - and I found an American Girl Halloween card sent from my one daughter's old account to my other's old account. They never log on to these and in fact, have new ones that are not name related. I found it highly unlikely it came from my oldest girl. So I kind of felt her out yesterday to see if they sent e-cards to each other on Halloween. I sent to my SIL and one of my friends so it wouldnt be unusual. She said she had forgotten to send her one. My theory is he sent it using her old account as the sender. They never saw it and they dont know about it so no big deal. I shut off the two accounts. I have two accounts of my own that I've been using regularly and I'm going to shut down the one he knows. In fact, I tried to but Yahoo couldnt. And its still up this morning. Will try again after this blogging.

And, now, thats about it. I have lots of things coming due now so am very busy. I'm glad there is not much to do re: this stuff.

Crossing the line

Well, someone crossed the line today.

He called my lawyer from the hospital to arrange for transport of his car. I had already told her I didnt want him to have it since we are both on the title and if he kills someone I'll be implicated. She agreed we could keep him from it but I really thought he just wanted the cash. And I'm pretty sure he doesnt have insurance OR a license to drive anymore having lost both over summer.

So he called her twice this morning - talking so quickly she could hardly understand him. He was given the message that he couldnt have it or she ignored him - I'm not sure which.

Then he called a third time - they let it go to her voicemail - where he left a swear-word ridden message with two threats to hurt her. Now she is having all his calls routed to her voicemail - the better to collect them is my guess. I dont know what she plans to do.

I called and found out he is still in the hospital. Hope he is there thru Halloween. I guess this will unfold over time.

I wouldnt want to cross her and I'm pretty tough!

BTW!

to go!

Incomplete Pass

Letter to a Friend


Dear Amicus -
Guess who my lawyer heard from on Friday? Yes, yes! The FSO.


He's back in psycho land.

He called her to tell her (still manic I suppose since she said he was talking a mile a minute) that he wanted to stop all the "drama". He instructed her to go to court, unfreeze his 401K and stock options, sell them and split the proceeds 50/50. And she was to finish up the divorce. The number he gave her was a city hospital in his new home state. I called and when I asked if he were a patient there, she immediately transferred me to the psyche ward.

I have a call in to my states attorney rep to see if she can find out whats going on. I doubt our county will go to the hospital to pick him up. If not, it was a very interesting way to gain freedom since I'm sure he signed himself in which means he only has to stay for five days.

Overall its a good thing. In this mental state, he wont stay free for long. And we do want him to end up in jail for the divorce. Plus he has more opportunities to end himself this way.

Tho I must admit to being worried about Halloween. I will have to answer the door with the girls - mainly the youngest - and I've already told them that if he is out they will have to choose a different trick-or-treating route.

Meanwhile, I wait for my court-ordered 90,000 to arrive. There is a court date entering the order which will go to his 401K people on Nov 6. I dont think it would be much longer after that.


to go!
Keep the wind in your sails!
Eudoxia

Thanks!

Mother and I were laughing last nite on how convenient that he got out two days AFTER the hearing where we rec'd $90,000!

SO I MUST SAY...
All of our thanks to those spirits watching out for and over us.


They have done a wonderful job in protecting us and providing for us. Not just with this last court hearing but in the entire process.


And special thanks to to Mother who has been a stalwart helper and financial supporter before and during this whole process.

Only

to go!

Making it more ...

palatable.


WAHHH!

Well, I can cry like a baby and lay on the ground until the snow covers me.

or


I can remember who I am.

He is nuts - that is a fact. And that means logic doesnt work with him.
But I have more than logic. I have courage and strength and love for my kids. And those are far stronger than someone who is grandiose with nothing to back it.

The mitigating factors (I refuse to put "positive") are:
1. He lives in a ghetto in Indiana and is more likely to be killed there then in prison. (* Mother , I know you dont like this line of thinking but it IS a mitigating factor.)
2. If he is on treatment - highly unlikely, he is not likely to stay on it. Which means he will just return to doing the illegal things he does. Which means a return to jail. And we DO want him in jail for the divorce trial.
3. Tho his license is suspended, he is going to get behind the wheel of a car again for sure and soon. And he is more likely to be killed (hopefully NOT bringing someone else with him) there than in prison.

I'm so glad I decided not to have the Halloween party. RIght now I'd be worried he'd show up and gun us all down.


THE BIGGEST FACTOR OF ALL IS THAT EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO US SO FAR HAS TURNED OUT TO BE THE BEST THING FOR US. THE SPIRITS WHO WATCH OVER US HAVE PROTECTED US VERY THOROUGHLY AND THERE IS NO REASON TO THINK THIS TIME WILL BE ANY DIFFERENT.

I choose
!


UPDATE! I rec'd a phone call from my states attorney rep. She said he has not been released but, instead, is in the county awaiting transport to our home county for outstanding warrants. Also, she is going to find out why he was released on his own recognizance - is this judge nuts too? - and she noted they are going to try and get a high bail set.

So MUCH has happened ...

to go!

Okay, here goes.

First, I noticed that soon after the FSO must have rec'd the letter from my attorney telling him about the court hearing to take money from his 401K he was moved from the hospital wing to the wing where inmates are sent who do not obey the prison rules.

Second, we went to court Tuesday and my lawyer won us $90,000 to be taken from his 401K for child support owed plus future child support until January plus money he owed me. It takes approximately six weeks to get it so I'll have to borrow from Mom again. But at least I can pay her back right away in a lump sum.


What would I do without Mother?

Third, I found out this morning - after waking up feeling very uneasy and somewhat sad but I did not know why - that he was released from jail on his own recognizance yesterday afternoon. I dont know how to tell my girls. I'm going to call the therapist as soon as they leave to ask her for tips on how to do so. I have to call my son as well but he has an exam today so I'm going to wait until this afternoon. I told the girls' teachers and the principal so she could be aware of the possibility that he'd show up.

I'm going to call my states attorney rep to find out whats going on. I know he has a court date on Tuesday in our county.

Minor work today

Going today to the lawyer's to sign the petition which will go to him and to court asking for his child support out of his retirement funds. He will then have the lawyer's address so I imagine he'll communicate with her directly. Don't know how she handles that. But I do know he is in jail until the 18th at least which is two days after this. Plus, since he has asked for and received "indigent" standing, I think it will be very difficult for him to get a lawyer to show up. Especially when you add that the state had him checked for his competency. I dont know what happens if he comes up with a lawyer tho. I saw his bank acct - the one they are closing. The letter had slipped and I could see it through the little cellophane window. He has a grand total of $16.48 in it. Try hiring a lawyer on that one!

Also, today, I'm going to call Dr H and see about getting our appts in.

Countdown continues ...

We've got updates

Yesterday was another pre-trial hearing. I read over the information available on-line. I didnt notice before that they had ordered a competency hearing for my FSO on the August 10th court date. Two doctors performed those and those reports came in last week according to the notes. He has another court date set for October 18th. Its pre-trial. I dont know what all of this pre-trial work is.

I did see tho that two of the felonies have not been filed due to trouble identifying the defendent. Unfortunate. And one felony has been sent to the Grand Jury.


Mother used to head a Grand Jury. I'll find out why they get sent there.

I heard the Criminal Conversion was for not paying a cabbie. And that one of the felonies was for taking someone's car and crashing it. No word on any of the other shenanigans.

The doctor is going to interview us and go through the records. He'll also interview Mr McGoOfy if he can. I wonder if we will be able to get his parental rights terminated or if this will just be a reasonable facsimile of terminating them.

We have a court date for Oct 16th to petition for the money. His next court date is Oct 18th. So he'll have to get a lawyer if he is going to be represented.


112 Days to Go!

We are getting busy again

Our Dr H

First, Dr H. His secretary wouldnt make an appt with me unless my FSO was available to be interviewed. And seeing he is incarcarated with no release date yet known, it seems highly unlikely that his social calendar will be open let alone him cooperate. My lawyer is going to contact Dr H directly to let him know the reason we are doing this. I gave her the go-ahead to have we four be interviewed and pay him his retainer and then we wait on whatever they want to do with him. So that is open right now and I'm not sure what is going to happen.

Second, my lawyer got us a date of Oct 16 to go in and ask for both the back child support and the car reimbursement. If they go through I'll end up with close to 41,000 bucks. Which I sorely need right now. She has to send him a copy of the order to his last known address. I gave her the prison. Too bad we know. It would have been better I think to send it to his sister. Then again, who knows?


Only 116 days to go before my divorce trial.

But the realities are ...

Interesting fact: When you receive mail from an inmate, the prison does not look at it but stamps it with a notice that this comes from an inmate and they are not responsible for the contents.

Reality #1: His lawyers dropped him because he had no contact with them and he owed them money that he wasnt paying. In fact, they are suing him for payment.
Reality #2: He has a pre-trial hearing on 9/27 and he has a public defender. Good luck there! LOL.
Reality #3: I looked up the apartment complex he wanted the info sent to in a Rate This Apartment Complex site. It says its a ghetto with frequent car and apartment breakins and crack dealers on the corners. Just what I figured.

Pets allowed at his new apartment

What I did: Immediately I took it to the police and filed a complaint. But I had to go twice because first, they only did it as a report and not a complaint. I think the cop didnt want to bother. I went back and signed it. At this time I realized that I had at least four other "reports" that should have been complaints. I asked the cop about them and he said it was too late and I had to go through the states attorney. I left my states attorney rep a message about it late Friday. I hope to hear from her early this week so I can get those going.

What I think: I think the first line is a threat and I brought that up in my msg to the states attorney. Second, I think he wants money for something to do with his legal problems - 7 felonies as of now in that state alone - and that if he could have got it from his brother he would have - otherwise why have me send the information to some unknown woman? Why not have it sent to his brother? Third, I think I'll get another and more explicitly threatening letter when he realizes I'm not going to respond.

What we are doing:
1. I also rec'd a letter from my state saying he owed almost $35,000 in back child support plus interest (I want that interest too!) I forwarded it to my lawyer who is going to go in at the end of the month (supposedly after his 21 days to respond are over) and use that letter to ask for that amount to be removed from his retirement accounts. Yippeee!!!! I can use the bucks.
2. I got in touch with the doctor assigned to find FSO's psychological status. They are going to call me today to make five (five!) appts with him.

My baby, he wrote me a letter...

Well, he wrote me a letter said he couldnt live without me no more...



Not exactly. Tho he DID write me a letter from his luxurious quarters in the county jail. It was written in all caps - except my name. And underlined words were underlined in the letter. Here it is:

Monday Sept 17,07

Eudoxia - I WILL NOT TAKE KINDLY TO THE FACT IF THIS LETTER IS A VOP. TRY DEFENDING THAT IN FRONT OF JUDGE JUDY.
WELL, SINCE MY DEAD BEAT LAWYERS WERE SMOOZED OVER BY YOUR LAWYER AND THEY THINK U ARE REASONABLE PEOPLE, I FIRED THEM AND SO I AM WRITING TO YOU AS MR FSO'S LAWYER I DO NOT HAVE ACCESS TO MS MY LAWYER'S NAME HERE EXCEPT TERRIBLY MISSPELLED'S OFFICE ADDR BEING IN JAIL
I WANT TO EXERCISE MY MOT STOCK OPTIONS ASAP AND DIVIDE THEM 50-50. WHEN THAT REAL ESTATE LAWYER WAS MY LAWYER HE HAD MENTIONED THAT, THAT WAS YOUR WISH TOO.
PLEASE DO THE NEEDFUL LEGALLY & MAIL ME A COPY OF THE COURT ORDER TO THE FOLLOWING ADR

FSO
C/O NANCY NO-BRAINS
SOME APARTMENT
CITY, OUT OF STATE

SIGNATURE HERE
FSO PRINTED HERE

Small Plan

"Talked" to my lawyer via email yesterday. We can no longer find him in default once he responds with any lawyer. So forget that.

She did say, tho, that the judge will give us pretty much anything we want on items we request at court hearings the FSO doesnt appear at. So, at the end of the month, she is going to handle the outstanding child support. I dont know how she is figuring it but she says its a lot of money. Maybe she is using the budget from when he was working? Not sure there but I can use anything she can get.

Update and Letter from a BIG bank

Court on Friday saw his lawyer receive permission to drop him, and my lawyer rec'd permission to pursue a 604(b) psychiatric examination with the doctor she wanted. So that is good for us. I'm wondering if any new prospective lawyer will be put off by the court-ordered psychiatric exam. If not by that, I'm sure they'll be pulled back by the fact he has a public defender due to claiming he has no money.

The sender gave permission for me to open a UPS letter I rec'd on Friday and do with it what I saw fit. I'm handing it over to my lawyer. Maybe the doc will want to see it.

I found his court date is a pre-trial hearing - this means he will not be out by the 21 days.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 6, 2007

RE: Checking Acct #*****
Dear Mr. FSO:

Please be advised that effective *** your accounts will be terminated. I have been attempting to reach you since **** ** 2007 regarding negative behavior conducted during your visit to *********.

I have not heard any response from you regarding this matter. There have been several communication notices sent to your home regarding this matter, and yet no response has been received. This letter serves as purpose to notify you of account closure. You will have 30 days to find alternative banking via another financial institution.

If you have any comments or concerns, contact me at XXX-XXX-XXXX.

Sincerely,
Ms. Manager

Court Tomorrow - but not for me

My lawyer goes to court without me tomorrow. We were supposed to go for a Pre-Trial hearing but since he is in jail and doesnt appear to have a lawyer at this point in time it wouldnt make any sense for me to show up.

I also have to be represented because his lawyer is withdrawing and my lawyer is starting up the process of permanently separating him from the kids. That means she is filing a paper tomorrow requesting a court-ordered psychiatric exam. She has requested a specific doctor but says it doesnt matter. The doctor will have legal access to all of FSO's medical records. I'd love to be a fly on that desk!

I gave her a list of the car-related expenses that he needs to reimburse me for. It totals to almost $7000. She cant file it, tho, until 21 days have passed and he has a chance to get another lawyer. I am hoping that if he doesnt have a lawyer on Day 21 that on Day 22 she will be in court finding him in default. We'll see. He has a court hearing on 9/27 which is 20 days after this hearing.

146 Days and Counting

146 days until the divorce trial. And life is moving on.

He is in jail until at least Sept 27 so we are all feeling very comfortable here.

Money is becoming an issue. I had to pick up his car - another accident in June - and that totalled out to $1400 - not even counting the fact that an additional 30% needs to be added to that since that is what my money costs me. And I've been making his car payments - $1600 in June and then the monthly payment of $500. All at 30% over those amounts. Also, he has not paid our insurance so I'm paying that as well. It was only $220 a month tho I had to pay four months' worth. But starting in September we go to COBRA and I'll be paying $760 per month for the four of us.

My lawyer told me to keep track of all the money I spend and we'll get it back. She thinks, too, we'll be able to get back some of my legal fees. Not all of course but I didnt expect that. He owes me quite a bit not even counting child support or legal fees.

And still no child support since the initial $3000.

But, like I said, life goes on. My oldest headed out to college this week - he starts classes on Monday. I'm very excited for him. My other two started school this week. And I'm back in class - I had to postpone my graduate school entry for a year. So I am retaking a class I took last summer that I found impossible to do well in because he was already goofy. And I plan on two classes in the Spring since the divorce will be over and I can focus on my work rather than court appearances.

Her Move - or not as the case may be

Not now

The SIL opted out of hiring a moving company. She called my lawyer yesterday and told her that she didn't have permission to remove her brother's stuff so she was going to wait until after the divorce.

I think it was the absence of the BIG tv that called that one.

To track or not to track ...

that is the question.

What are my responsibilities (legally - I know what they are ethically) if I know where he is?

What if I know he cannot make (as opposed to will not make) the pre-trial hearing? For I know he is going to be in jail, minimally, through Sept 27th via the county "Search for an Inmate" web page. Which means he is not going to make it.


My lawyer

My lawyer says it doesnt matter legally whether I know where he is or not. And that if I feel more comfortable keeping an eye on his whereabouts then go ahead.

So now I check every morning to see if he is still there - as opposed to being in the hospital wing - and I'm ready to reassure my kids if they ask.

The letter

My lawyer sent a letter to my soon-to-be ex SIL on Friday telling her the the same info as on the previous post re: getting her folks' stuff. She has until Friday to hire someone.

Ho hum...

I thought I'd have something interesting to post about He Who Must Not Be Named's trial (scheduled for 8/9) but its not been updated.

I went to court on Tuesday. Again, I thought I'd have something interesting but - ho hum, *yawn* - nothing because nothing happened. A lawyer from his lawyer's office showed up but because they cannot locate him and cannot serve him notice that he is no longer being represented by them they could not withdraw. This put us in the position that if we went ahead with our plans for Guardian Ad Litem, they would move to ask for more time. So the next court date is Sep 7. I will not be going to that one as I have class.


My soon-to-be FORMER SIL

One interesting thing was his sister contacted my lawyer to ask for her parents' personal effects including "possibly a TV". My oldest thinks they are looking for that BIG tv he bought. Why else bother with clothes that havent been worn in over three years, and cookware that could be replaced for 30 bucks? So I told the lawyer that there is no tv as there isnt any. Their stuff is mixed in with his and I'm not willing to separate it. But I am willing to let them hire a professional mover, leave his name and phone number with my lawyer so I can confirm, leave the stuff available for pickup on Sep 8 from 9 until 3, and they are not to step foot on my property. ("My property"! How sweet!) Else they can wait until his stuff is shipped out when the divorce is final in January.

If its shipped out...