The man feels he has every right to not do the things he doesnt want to. He uses illness to get attention. Someone else always does his dirty jobs. He has learned that agreeing to change does not mean one changes. It just means the conflict has ended. Work is his passion.
He is obsessed with work. Vacations even are interrupted so he can go help someone unrelated to his own work. He takes phone calls at all hours and in all places. We no longer do anything together. He ignores my family when we are all together - choosing to sleep in an unoccupied room or read the paper or stand silently waiting for the time to leave. I am struggling to keep the house up - both cleaning and repair - while working full time at the identical job he has. He is morose and uncommunicative around us (me and the kids.) He starts sitting through meals at home and away without speaking to us. He starts walking behind us instead of with us. He only speaks about things that directly affect him.
But its important to note that he is cheerful and fun with his family. His family's parties show a very different man - the same man I married. Fun. Nice. Supportive. Interested and interesting. The minute a request for help comes in from his siblings or friends, he schedules it and is out there fixing things up. So these things are isolated and with us only.
Time passes. He still plays the "how am I feeling this morning" game. I am demanding more and more that he 1) work on our marriage and 2) do his share. The MIL is gone - she lives with us 4 mos of the year in her own locked from our house addition. But our marriage is a shambles. ...
What to do? How to continue doing whatever he pleases yet still answer my demands?
The answer he comes up with is ingenuous.
The answer is DEPRESSION.***
Please note: I know depression is a very real, serious mental illness that adversely affects too many people in the world. I am referring to my experience with it with my husband only.
