Overtime, we use various marriage counselors. He goes along and is more than willing to sit and talk. He is even willing to do assignments and activities. However, he does these things just long enough for me to think things are changing for the better, for me to lighten up at home. Then he changes back.
This goes on for years. We have two more children. The parts of these things associated with him are not happy memories. But lets not go there now. I quit work.
I find a wonderful book called
and it becomes the key to my future.
I tell him I no longer want his depression to be a sixth person in our family. He has to learn to cope with it silently and like one copes with diabetes or other lifelong health problems. And, since it doesnt really seem to affect anything except stop him from doing the things he doesnt want to do, I dont think it should be hard. Its a lifelong issue for him and he has to learn to cope with it on his own with the least effect on us.
I refuse to listen to any more about his depression. Actually, thats not exactly true. I do listen to it but I give him five min to say anything he wants. If he continues or tries any other time, I leave the room.
He is ABSOLUTELY INFURIATED. I cannot begin to tell you how angry he gets. Depression and work are how he defines himself. He tells me I should be asking him every morning how he feels depression-wise. He curses the author of the book and disagrees violently with the parts I read aloud to him. But the book is spot-on.
Its the beginning of the 1000-mile journey to getting my life back.
