#1: He is his mom's obsession. She told me a few years ago "Once he was born, nothing else has ever mattered. All I care about is him." She has two children after him, a husband, ten grandchildren and various and sundry relatives (no friends).
Example. He and his brother have birthdays two weeks apart. At a family weekend party that was between the two, she baked and served a cake only for him. I saw his brother's face and when I mentioned it to him, he said that it was okay but obviously hurt his feelings.
#2: He comes from a household with servants. Until he was 25, he never washed his clothes, or washed a floor. Never made a meal or shopped for groceries. In short, never did any work. His first job was when he was 23.
When I stopped by his apartment (shared with two other grad students) while dating, I was appalled to see cockroaches, filthy bathroom, and absolute cartoon wreck of a kitchen. I chalked it up to three students living together but I knew I would never have my apartment in that state.
#3: He is a perpetual victim. Every problem is of biblical scale. Everyone is always treating him badly. Complaining is a hobby for him and his mom.
The results:
1. He has zero problem coping skills.
2. He is self absorbed and selfish even when it comes to his kids.
3. He will not play his role as husband and householder.
4. He thinks he is the only person who doesnt want to do the mundane chores of life. That the rest of us leap up out of sheer joy to wash toilets and cut the grass.
These are conclusions he has shared with me from his therapists, or I was present at the therapy session when he agreed these were true.
