Me
I think of myself as a powerful woman who is not your average suburban mom. I'm highly educated, well read, and smart. Social though I like my space and of above average looks and build.
So how did I find myself whining and moaning for decades over what has the trappings of an abusive marriage? I recently read an article on abusive relationships and I think I know now why I got tangled up in this mess.
Until recently I felt any attention was good and I was not as self confident. It was only through living with him and seeing how strong I was did I develop a strong sense of who I am. That and having a life as a student and taking care of my kids.
Like in other abusive relationships, the abuse was cyclic. He would do whatever he pleased, watch me do all the work, and verbally abuse my family and me whenever he felt the power struggle between us looming. Then, when things were reaching a tipping point, we would sit down and talk about what was wrong, he would apologize and promise to change, and life would be sweet for a few weeks. Then it would start all over again.
In this article, they said if the abuse was sustained, people would be more likely to leave. But the abusers know this, so they go as far as they can, they act like they fixed it, everyone is happier and then they do what they want. But its that happier time that keeps you there.
You think the rest just has to be "fixed" and it would be okay.
Now he can see how separate and strong I've become. The same old tricks dont work or they dont work as well. He's afraid - thus the constant dogging to see his therapist which, in an effort to buy time, I have agreed to - he is addicted to having this relationship.
